Today I was trying to get stuff done. I don’t know why I bother because I never get anything done. But I try. Honestly.
I was sitting in the family room and The Baby wandered past the doorway. His smile was so big I was instantly concerned. Then I see a head pop up from behind the chair in the living room. The head disappears as fast as it has appeared. It was the quick peak of champions. I turned my eyes back to The Baby. He is still waddling past but I now notice that he is gnawing on something.
K: What do you have?
The Baby: Ah.
K: What is that? Give me that.
The Baby: (running away wildly) AHHHHHHH!
I ran after him.
He had cranberry bark in his hand and all over his mouth. Cranberry bark that we made the week before Christmas. Roughly 7 weeks ago. I snatched it out of his hand and decided to go straight to the source. Nail his dealer, if you will.
His dealer met me in the middle of the living room.
K: What’s behind that chair?
The Boy: Nothing, Mom (grasping my legs in an effort to keep me from rounding the chair).
K: What are you eating?
The Boy: We aren’t eating anything, Mom. There is nothing there. (pushing me away from the chair). Don’t look.
There was the bag of candy, stashed behind the chair.
Realizing he was busted, he took a different route.
The Boy: Mom, I wasn’t eating it. I didn’t eat anything.
K: Let me smell your breath.
The Boy: I WASN’T EATTTTTTTING IT!!!!
As he opened his mouth to scream maniacally at me, I noticed his teeth were filled with chocolate. He sensed the inevitable and ran. Very fast.
The Boy: Dad, Dad, Dad. Mom said to me “let me smell your breath” but I didn’t let her, Dad. I didn’t have candy.
At that point, The Baby wandered by with yet another piece of bark. He nodded to me and kept walking. I don’t know what we are going to do when he realizes he should be hiding behind the chair to eat the candy.Share on Facebook