You have some questions right now. Yes, The Baby has a butter knife in his right hand. Yes, that is a quart of motor oil to his right. The food getting spit out of his mouth? The pizza from yesterday that he found somewhere that he was properly advised NOT TO EAT because it is a day old and would taste like crap. Which apparently was not believed.
I then went downstairs to upload the pizza debacle. When I came back up stairs, I found this.
Technically it is the dining room table but it is still in the living room from New Year’s Eve. Yes, that happens to be a 5-gallon bucket of deck stain on the dining room table. It has to warm up to actually be put on the deck because you can’t put deck stain on a deck in weather under 40 degrees. It was colder than 40 degrees where the stain was in the garage. Grant it, it’s colder than 40 degrees on the deck. Hey, I’m not the mathematician in the family but 2 plus 2 is looking a lot like 5 right now.
The stickers on the reading glasses? So Dad knows which ones are the correct ones. Not to be confused with just trying them out at the store to see which ones are best. Let’s just buy 4 pairs and play the “I CAN’T READ” game every single time a pair goes on. Or at least 75% of the time. The crumbly mass The Baby is sitting upon? Hot crushed red pepper. He was actually sneezing. Pink earphones? In a package when I saw them last.
The Republican haircuts? I know the craze is to make your child look unwashed by letting their hair grow long and unruly. We like to use clothing as a conversation piece about whether these children ever get bathed. And when someone has vomited in the barber shop just a couple of days before, they do their best to make sure you aren’t coming back any time soon.
There are an incredible amount of hand prints on that mirror, right? Those prints are from a year ago. My husband keeps his stash of his beloved Windex well-hidden. Oh, who am I kidding? I can barely keep the fam in clean underwear and socks. Clean a mirror? Surely you jest.
Nasty feet with unclipped toenails? Check! On the table? Check! Not just on the table but the nicest table cloth. Interestingly enough, no one even hedged or looked apologetic when I busted them.
It’s not even 10:30 yet.
Jess is very concerned about what we intend to call The Baby when we have the newer, more important Baby. It’s clear The Boy is a disappointment. We may as well get a jump on moving beyond the middle child and focusing on the child that is most important, Baby #3. If you have an opinion (as I know you do), let me know in the comments what you think the name should be for The Baby and for this little rug rat that is determined to come out via my belly button.
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