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    Don’t you just hate that obnoxious person on the phone in the line at the post office?

    April 9, 2008

    Yesterday I was stuck behind that guy who insisted on using the APC machine at the post office to purchase 7 stamps.  Which would have been fine if he had actually used the APC machine before or if he took 5 minutes to try to figure out how to buy a book of stamps.  Instead, it took him over 20 minutes to buy 7 individual stamps.  Because every single time he printed one up and had to start again, he forgot how to do it.  The machine needs one of those signs that says, “Not recommended for users with temporary amnesia.”

    If that wasn”t bad enough, there was that guy who insisted on yelling on the cell phone the entire time.

    “HI!!!   YEAH!!!!   YEAH!!!!  UH HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    Here’s his picture. 

    Nate and his cell phone

    He takes it everywhere with him.  You know those kids with a blanket?  If only we could be so lucky.

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    First Mommy Needs a Cocktail party ever? Holy CRAP!!! I’m too old for this much fun.

    February 25, 2008

    I remember getting into the limo with The Husband after our wedding (okay, lifting The Husband’s legs into the limo) and thinking, “This was the BEST wedding I have EVER BEEN TO.”

    Saturday night’s Mommy Needs a Cocktail Party?  It was so awesome, it just wasn’t right.  It was almost as fun as my wedding.

    I showed up late because I was trying to find my car keys to give to The Husband.  I drove up the hill to the most gorgeous house with the most gorgeous view.  (I also saw a deer try to jump a fence and not clear the barbed wire, only to bounce back on the road.  That was odd).  We aren’t in Kansas anymore, Dorothy.  We are in Petroville.

    I stepped into a Mommy Needs a Cocktail heaven.  MNAC was everywhere.  Kimberly is a mommy who needs a cocktail. And who knows how to create a pink Wonderland. Kimberly & Kristen
    MNAC was on a cake, for heaven’s sake (which should now be mandatory for all MNAC parties–it was so cool).  I threw my crap on the table (sorry, Pache) and then Melissa, of Capitol Chocolate Fountain/Post Office fame arrived.  Tell me how often you send out a cheeky twitter and a month later 2 chocolate fountains are on the counter at your very first Mommy Needs a Cocktail Party.  Melissa kept telling people that she was sure I thought she was a stalker.  Let me just say that if you have a stalker, having a stalker who owns 38 chocolate fountains and makes homemade pink marshmallows to dip in the chocolate at your MNACP is the only kind of stalker to have.  We embraced as if we had known each other forever and then she proceeded to set up what became the focal point of the party.  The chocolate was so good I almost stuck my head in it.  She sells it online.  Go and buy some. 

    Seriously.

    Then the house was packed.  There were women everywhere.  DC Metro MomsJazzercisers?  You name it.  People had brought tons of food and wine and there were cocktails everywhere.  Someone cracked open the Arbor Mist and it got a little crazy.  I’m just saying.  Lots of people brought stuff to give away and we had a raffle too.  I talked to so many fun women.  I ate too many items dipped in chocolate.  It was only when I looked at the clock on the microwave and read “11:38″ that my heart about stopped.  Kimberly was trudging past me and I grabbed her arm.

    K:  How did you think this would go?
    Kimberly:  To be honest?  I thought people would get bored at around 9:30. 
    K: ME TOO!!!

    Uh, no.  Because this party was a Mommy’s Night Out first and foremost, with kick ass stuff to buy.  It helped that Kimberly is the most amazing hostess ever.  And we had two chocolate fountains, for heaven’s sake. We raised $100 from sales to go to Vicky’s Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.  I sold “Underpaid Kept Woman” shirts, a creation of the original Underpaid Kept Woman herself, Susie Sunshine.  I sold “Mommy Needs a Latte” shirts and “Mommy Needs Chocolate” shirts and “Mommy Needs a Margarita” shirts.  I sold “Mommy Needs a Cocktail” Martini Toast tanks in cocktail shakers, just like the ones the celebrities got back at the Boom Boom Baby Room.   Hostess gift structuring went out the window because this party so exceeded anything I had ever imagined.  Kimberly ended up with practically one of every style (plus the Mommy Needs a Vacation tote for the hostess-only).  It was off the hook.  It was so much fun.

    But the best part about it?  Everyone had carpooled.  Everyone was responsible.  I think everyone had a good time.  We talked about dreams and goals and travel and jobs.  We didn’t talk about kids and husbands.  It was refreshing.  Reinvigorating. 

    It was just a really good time.  Wanna see how good

    You should totally have a Mommy Needs a Cocktail Party.  Think about it.

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    Totally and completely random crap

    January 24, 2008

    NO, I didn’t pick winners from the contest.  Stop bugging me.  I’m busy sitting around alphabetizing the canned goods in my kitchen.  I’ll get to it.  I promise.

    What the hell is up with dog?  Could someone explain to me why I just walked into my living room and there was the dog, with his head resting comfortably on a throw pillow that clearly had been THROWN on the ground?  He didn’t even get up.  Two words for you.  Shock collar.

    Twitter can be harmful to your health.  I know this from nearly sideswiping a car on the road today.  It’s okay, because it was only a police car.  We’re fine.

    Twitter can bite you in the ass.  When you write really crappy things about the idiot in front of you that CANNOT, if his life depended on it, use the damn. A.P.C. machine at the post office, you might want to a) pay attention to where that damn kid of yours has wandered off, 2) cover up The Baby’s feet before you have to hear about how horrible a mother you are, and Third) remain as quiet as possible.  We have people manning the desks, people, for those of you who CANNOT figure out whether you are sending a package or a BOX.  I need you to stand in line so I don’t have to wait for you to figure out whether your card is debit or credit.  But what happens is, by the time it’s your turn and there is smoke visibly pouring from your ears and The Boy is now in line ACROSS the post office waiting to get a passport (even though he already HAS one), you just may catch the attention of the woman behind you.  Who is clever enough to put your return mailing address together with your website address.  Who will then email you and tell you how funny your twitter was about the postal-challenged.

    And then you will realize how small the world is.  Or how big your mouth is.  Either one.  You be the judge.

    Hi, Melissa!!!  It was nice meeting you too.  Sorry that The Boy was wearing his Thomas the Train slippers and The Baby had no shoes on in the 30 degree temps.  I’m really a better mother.  But you might want to steer clear of the PO at quarter to six again.  I’m just saying.   

    Oh, and Baby Brewing was featured on Celebrity Baby Blog.  I’m giving away THE WHOLE FREAKING STORE over there so feel free to go and enter the contest.  And if you win and I know you, I still may even send the stuff to you.  Maybe.  Go enter.  Really.  It’s not difficult and it’s a popularity contest.  And apparently Chachi is wearing one of my shirts around town.  He had to have stolen it from Chris Noth, but you never know….

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