Do you remember that moment you became Cranky Old Person? I don’t remember the exact moment, but I can tell you it wasn’t that long ago. My husband? I think it may have happened around the same time. Just last night.
K: Dude, you know what would be so much fun?
D: (looking panicked) No.
What’s with the panic? Is my evil mind so transparent?
K: I would love to stand at the end of the driveway holding a hairdryer pointed at the neighbors driving at 700 mph past the house.
I would like to take a moment to discuss the driving situation in my neighborhood. It started with the neighbor kid insisting on driving in reverse at 30 miles per hour down the road. I’m good at throwing my kids into the ditch when someone comes hauling down the road but that means I have to be on my A-game all the time. And it’s quite the drama in the homeowner’s association.
Yes, we are in an HOA because our road is a private road. Which means we have a dead end and the county has turned it’s back upon us and it’s not as glamorous as it sounds. If I had the money, I would pay for the road paving and plowing myself and burn the HOA monthly minutes in effigy. No, wait. I already do that with the HOA minutes. But the HOA is for the roads, not telling you what color berries you are allowed to grow in your backyard and summarily dismissing the raising of chickens. All I’m gonna say is power corrupts. But back to being old and cranky.
D: You know….you can buy one of those radar guns they use for baseball. That way you wouldn’t have to hold a hairdryer.
K: But a real radar gun isn’t as funny as holding up a hairdryer. Now that is funny. Do you think it would slow anyone down?
K: Do you think I’m a hypocrite since I’ve broken more speeding laws in exactly every state I have graced with my presence (47)?
K: Does that mean I shouldn’t do it?
D: I didn’t say that. Where’s the Flip Video player?
Next stop. Slamming the door on Girl Scouts and writing mean letters to the Post Office about my relief carrier who refuses to pick up my stamped packages even when I remember to put the little flag up on my mailbox.
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