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    We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming

    April 16, 2008

    Wow.  Didn’t I just fall off the grid?  And not in that way The Husband would like to fall off the grid.  After having the sinus infection since September, I decided to break down and go to the doctor last Friday.  He couldn’t even get his little scope up my right nostril.

    DR:  Do you find you have more difficulty breathing with your right nostril than your left?

    Dude, I haven’t been able to breathe in 8 days.  I have contemplated giving myself a trach with a bic pen every once in a while.  I didn’t even KNOW that was my right nostril.  I mean, if you are looking at me, isn’t it on your left?  Whatever.  Bygones.  He ordered 21 days of antibiotics, a steroid and nasonex.  I put the steroid in the closet because let’s be honest here, people.  I’m trying to LOSE the baby weight.  And I don’t want a pimply back like Mr.I.Didn’t.Take.Steroids.Sammy.Sosa.  Nasonex.  Threw it away.  All it does is give me post-nasal drip.  I’m trying to dry this crap out, not have a waterfall running down my throat.  The antibiotics?  Day 6 and I’ve finally stopped sounding like a 3 pack a day girl.

    All I’m gonna say is there is never a crueler world than a sinus infection on 4/15.  Because if you aren’t already feeling like you have been run over and dragged by a bus for 400 feet, Uncle Sam will be sure to finish you off. 

    On a lighter note, I’m addicted to Benadryl.  I now require it to fall asleep.  I imagine this is a combination of taking it 14 days in a row and taking naps during the day, but Girlfriend needs her little pink pill.  That stuff should just be in the water.  Can you even imagine if I took a sleeping pill ever?  Smoked pot?  Instant addict.  I’m the person that they told us about in elementary school.  The slippery slope.  One puff on a joint one day and in a week you’ll be shooting up heroin.  I believe it, people.  No funny cigs for me. 

    How many of you are using your stimulus check to buy an LCD flat screen t.v.  Show of hands?  Oh, if only that were me. 

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