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    Becoming an old bag

    June 23, 2009

    Do you remember that moment you became Cranky Old Person? I don’t remember the exact moment, but I can tell you it wasn’t that long ago. My husband? I think it may have happened around the same time. Just last night.

    K: Dude, you know what would be so much fun?
    D: (looking panicked) No.

    What’s with the panic? Is my evil mind so transparent?

    K: I would love to stand at the end of the driveway holding a hairdryer pointed at the neighbors driving at 700 mph past the house.

    I would like to take a moment to discuss the driving situation in my neighborhood. It started with the neighbor kid insisting on driving in reverse at 30 miles per hour down the road. I’m good at throwing my kids into the ditch when someone comes hauling down the road but that means I have to be on my A-game all the time. And it’s quite the drama in the homeowner’s association.

    Yes, we are in an HOA because our road is a private road. Which means we have a dead end and the county has turned it’s back upon us and it’s not as glamorous as it sounds. If I had the money, I would pay for the road paving and plowing myself and burn the HOA monthly minutes in effigy. No, wait. I already do that with the HOA minutes. But the HOA is for the roads, not telling you what color berries you are allowed to grow in your backyard and summarily dismissing the raising of chickens. All I’m gonna say is power corrupts. But back to being old and cranky.

    D: You know….you can buy one of those radar guns they use for baseball. That way you wouldn’t have to hold a hairdryer.
    K: But a real radar gun isn’t as funny as holding up a hairdryer. Now that is funny. Do you think it would slow anyone down?
    D: No.
    K: Do you think I’m a hypocrite since I’ve broken more speeding laws in exactly every state I have graced with my presence (47)?
    D: Yes.
    K: Does that mean I shouldn’t do it?
    D: I didn’t say that. Where’s the Flip Video player?

    Next stop. Slamming the door on Girl Scouts and writing mean letters to the Post Office about my relief carrier who refuses to pick up my stamped packages even when I remember to put the little flag up on my mailbox.

    Did you RSVP to the party?

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    “Mommy Needs a Cocktail” Parties

    February 1, 2008

    I know.  I’m out of control.  First it was a book.  Now it’s parties.  Hello, Internet.  Kristen is throwing spaghetti on a wall and keeping her eyes peeled to see what sticks.

    Here it is.  How about hosting a Mommy Needs a Cocktail party at your house?  It’s like the Tupperware party of 2008.  Except it’s not plastic.  And not boring.  And there is alcohol involved.  So what happens?  You send out the Mommy Needs a Cocktail Party invite to all your friends.  I send you stuff.  Your friends come.  You all sit around, sipping cocktails.  Talking about anything BUT the children.  Your friends buy Mommy Needs a Cocktail shirts (and lots more MNAC related stuff).  You get free stuff.  Your friends buy a LOT of stuff.  You get A LOT of free stuff.  I send free stuff for you to give away.  You bake a chocolate cake so your friends will love you forever.  You pour yourself a signature Mommy Needs a Cocktail cocktail.  Everyone has a blast. 

    You aren’t a cocktail girl?  Funny, we have Mommy Needs a Beer shirts and Mommy Needs a Glass of Wine shirts.  Chili and beer party?  Wine and Chocolate party?  And don’t tell anyone, but I’m getting ready to roll out Mommy Needs Chocolate, Mommy Needs a Margarita and Mommy Needs a Nanny.  Not like you can have a Nanny party, but you know what I’m saying.  So think it over.  It’s just a suggestion.  A friggin’ AWESOME suggestion.  I think I’m gonna have one myself.  Although frankly, right now, I NEED to have a Mommy Needs a Nanny party.

    What do you say?  Email me at babybrewing at gmail dot com if it sounds like fun and you might want to do it. 

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    If I wrote it, would you buy it?

    January 31, 2008

    I’m seeing a “Mommy Needs a Cocktail” cocktail recipes + witty stories. 

     What do you think?

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