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    Why riff on Dora when you can beat up Diego?

    May 12, 2008

    I don’t watch tv with The Boy.  Okay, occasionally I will watch Sesame Street with him if Johnny Reznik is performing with Elmo.  I mean, who can resist that?  But generally television is providing a babysitting function so I can get things done.

    Except this morning.  This morning my husband found my secret sleeping lair in the basement.  Apparently I got 7 whole hours of uninterrupted sleep before he awakened me at 6:57.  Problem?  I mean, other than waking a sleeping woman at 6:57?  The Boy found us 3 minutes later.  Somehow we ended up laying on all the couches watching Diego.  Diego and the Mother’s Day episode.

    LOOK!  Diego is going to teach your child about Mother’s Day!

    The show starts with Diego helping the mamas find their babies.  There is that Diego, standing 2 feet from a crocodile.  ‘”Let’s help the crocodile find her babies!!!!!!”

    The Husband looks at me with that look.  He likes cartoons about as much as having a hole in his head.  He is still bitching about Cars.  I mean, why do we still have to explain that cars cannot talk?  Seriously.

    K:  Ethan, you know that you can’t get near a crocodile, right?

    You guys are laughing.  Like The Boy would ever get near a crocodile?  No, but when he goes to visit Opa and Marmie in Florida, he’ll see alligators.  And what I really need is him walking up to an alligator in the Everglades and offering to help find its babies. 

    D:  We have to find some old episodes of Animal Kingdom.  That’ll teach him not to mess with wildlife.

    We get beyond “hug the mama bear so she isn’t sad about missing her babies” and move on to the more important Mother’s Day theme.  The horribly-behaving Bobos have forgotten Mother’s Day and now they must get back to their mother before she wakes up.  I think it’s time to go to bullet format to list the bad behaviors….

    • The Bobos left before their mother woke up and it will all be okay if they get back before their mother wakes up– —–Life Lesson:  You can sneak out as long as you get back before your parents wake up.
    • The Mom is sleeping.  Why are we spending 30 minutes of the show going back to wake her up to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day?  You know what a nice Mother’s Day present would be?  If Mom could sleep a little longer and you freaking kids would stop getting into trouble.
    • The red googly eyed frogs are stuck in tree sap because the Bobos were screwing with the bark earlier.  Now they can’t reach that exotic one-of-a-kind purple flower to give THEIR mom for Mother’s Day.  Why not fry up an exotic endangered animal as a special breakfast for mom too?
    • And what’s up with Click, the camera that can see everything?  Aren’t you just waiting for Rosie Perez, the voice of Click, to just burst into “Every Breath you take, every move you make, I’ll be watching you?”

    Who knew I could find a show more annoying that Dora??

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    It’s all an illusion of proper parenting

    February 27, 2008

    Tonight The Cake Lady and I were sitting on the couch, talking about, well, I can’t say it on the internet because I really don’t need those kinds of hits.  She paused for a moment.

    CL:  Isn’t it SO nice that your husband is upstairs watching our boys?

    What I love most about The Cake Lady?  Other than the fact that she was helping me put ribbon on the 9 million shirts I am taking to the DC International Wine and Food Festival this weekend?  Her naivete. 

    K:  He’s not watching those kids.
    CL:  But he is up there in that room with them.
    K:  And the room is only 10 X 10.  Yet still, shockingly, he has no clue what is going on.
    CL:  You are joking.  What is he doing up there?
    K:  He has his earplugs in and he is listening to some ridiculousness that he purchased online.  Like Animal Farm. 

    As a side note, I asked if he remembered that Animal Farm is like an 80 page book so that it was basically like buying an episode of Dora the Whora, but he said he didn’t realize that until AFTER he listened to all 27 minutes of it.

    CL:  He’s listening to a book?
    K:  And has NO idea what is going on.
    CL:  In that small room?
    K:  With the door closed.

    Not three minutes later, we heard The Husband bounding down the stairs.

    D:  Did you people leave in a nudist colony in California?
    CL:  Oh, no.  Is he naked again?
    D:  They both don’t have any pants on.  They were sitting on the end of the bed so all I could see was from the waist up.  Apparently they took their pants off.
    K:  What did I tell you? 

    The best part. They probably took their pants off 45 minutes before. For what reason? No one knows. Who wants to even go there?

    (oh, and if you are still waiting for all your free stuff I’m supposed to send you from past contests (HI, MELISSA!!), I’m going to send out all that stuff on Friday. You kids are so nice for being so patient!)

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    Dora ’08

    January 23, 2008

    It’s gotta be said, Internet.  I’m confused as to why everyone assumes that because a woman is running for president, I’m going to vote for her.  That being said, I’m also confused as to why everyone assumes that this loud-mouthed opinionated woman is liberal.  I guess we can just dispel these two things right now.  I would sooner vote for Dora and I’m not voting blue anytime soon.

    I’m not particularly red either, but I would have to say if I was going to pick a color, I would definitely choose red over blue.  Hands down.  But I’m not really feeling the love of the red these days either.  This being obvious based on the conversation I had with The Boy today.

    TB:  MomMomMomMom.
    K:  Yes.
    TB:  Mom, why does that car have stickers on it? (pointing to the minivan in front of us at the light).
    K:  Well, that car has stickers on it because those people have very controversial political views that they are not afraid to share with the entire world as they drive down the boulevard.
    TB:  MomMomMomMom, why do we no have stickers on our car?
    K:  Because we have very wishy-washy views about politics and we are frightened about people get violent in traffic about views that they do not necessarily have. 
    TB:  What are are politics, Mom?
    K:  Let’s just say your mother can probably say she is the only person in her political party that has never smoked pot and isn’t really for drug legalization and your father brings home his paycheck from a bloated federal agency.  We are the most unlibertarian libertarians in America. 
    TB:  Mom.  We need stickers on our car.

    He’s right.

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