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    Oh the fabulous women you’ll meet

    August 8, 2006

    OK, so it’s a week and a half late, but, what the hell? 

    Special thanks to my sister for clarifying below that Maggie actually said that we may
    have had SEX on the exact same day rather than we CONCEIVED on the same day. 
    You can see how I could have gotten those confused, seeing as it was the second
    sentence out of her mouth after meeting her.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am a big
    proponent of talking about “the somethin’ somethin” with strangers.  I just
    didn’t see it coming from Maggie.

    I got a glorious (and personally blessed) an original Andrea Scher creation which I
    find myself wearing all the time, even to bed.  Andrea is kind and speaks to
    your soul.  And she gave me the best line of the weekend as we were discussing
    something–“Ah, Kristen, is it OK for Ethan to be in the lily pond?”  No,
    Andrea, it is NOT OK for Ethan to be in the lily pond and hopefully you will
    learn what NOT to do from me when raising children.  But it is nice that while
    being in the lily pond, he is not bothering us.

    Cooper and Emily, who so
    graciously approached me as I was chasing The Boy around at the cocktail hour,
    are trying to put grass back in the parks in New Orleans so the kids will have a
    nice place to play again and somehow “home” will be “home” again.  This after
    they created an amazing network that has helped former New Orleans residents
    make new homes all over the country.  You inspired me to be a contributor to my
    world.

    Eliza of Mom Ready gave me a great t-shirt and also
    offered me the sage advice that I should put pull-ups on The Boy because he
    won’t be able to get them off the way he obsessively takes off his diapers now. 
    I’m not sure if that advice was on Mom Ready too,
    but I’m sold.

    While standing in line to comment at the mommyblogger
    session, I met Beth, who told me quite forcefully
    that if I was proud to be a mommyblogger, I had better say it into the
    microphone.  And if you have ever met Beth, you realize that you had better do
    whatever the hell she says.  And she just says what she thinks.  I love her for
    her honesty and commitment to herself. 

    I got a chance to meet Lori, who actually
    finally caught up with me in the lobby bar.  Because that’s where ALL the
    pregnant women at Blogher were.  I wore my Stay
    at Home Blogger
    t-shirt for 2 days (one was black and one was brown so don’t
    be thinking I was dirty and all) so she could find me.  And she found me eating
    dinner at 10:00 at night.  Oops.  She was so nice, as all people from Portland
    are, and I was so glad to get a chance to meet her.

    It was after dinner
    that we realized that it was Rachel’s
    birthday in just a couple of hours and that she was TURNING 30!!!!  Rachel was
    at Blogher from Perth and she is Minti.  Not just
    minty fresh, but Minti.  That fantastic website for
    parents, by parents.   In the spirit of her 30th birthday, I demanded that she and Tracey have hots.  We tried to
    explain this time honored American tradition to her, but finally it just took
    shoving a drink into her hand. 
    “God….bless….America….Land….That….I….Love.”  Twenty minutes later,
    we somehow found ourselves in a conversation about restrooms, toilets, lavs,
    ect. 

    R:  Why do you call them “REESSSTTTTROOOMMMSSS” if you don’t
    actually RRRRREEEESTTT in them? (insert Heath Ledger’s accent, but a girl
    version)
    K:  You have a two year old.  If that bad boy’s got a lock on it,
    it’s a rest room, alright….

    Tracey and I proceeded to make Rachel talk
    like Crocodile Dundee for the next 2 hours and we answered lots of questions
    about the 80’s.  As best we could explain the 80’s.  But then the clock struck
    midnight.  WE HAD MADE IT TO RACHEL’S 30th!!!!  We are so pathetic.

    We
    walked back to the hotel so that I could give the girls  “Stay at Home Blogger”
    t-shirts.  My sister answered the door and asked if I was drunk.  I was happy. 

    J:  Are you happy because you were drinking?

    No, I wasn’t
    drinking.  But I did realize that the only size large I had was the one I was
    wearing.  With that, I took it off and handed it to Tracey.  Rachel looked at me
    with that “we don’t do things like this in Perth” look.  But Tracey is so
    amazing and such an inspiration to me that I absolutely, positively HAD TO GIVE
    HER A SHIRT RIGHT THEN.  She asked if she should wash it before wearing it.  As
    if Rob Thomas had worn it at a concert and thrown it into the crowd at the end
    of the night.  I LOVE HER.  Like, stick her in your pocket and take her with you
    everywhere you go, kind of love. 

    To my new best friend Jen, you are brilliant.  Not only
    were you smart enough to bring your husband/nanny to Blogher, you were
    excessively kind and allowed my child to steal your child’s Nemo roller bag and
    push it around during the cocktail hour.  Baby, you had me at Nemo.  You gave me
    one of your business cards with a Hugh drawing on it, and I knew then that we would exchange Christmas cards forever (or every
    other year because who are we kidding, my card sending is sporatic at best).  
    But then, in a move that made me LOVE you forever, you made an actual comment,
    into a microphone, on a podcast travelling across the world, about sex in the Susie Bright panel discussion.  You got a set, sista’.

    Special thanks again
    to Heather, Jessica and Lori who
    were so sweet to us when we were all alone.

    And to my sister, who
    schlepped my child around and tried to keep me sane–you are the best.  Any
    woman who will climb across three chairs and push over an old woman to meet Dave Winer is a girl I want to
    be when I grow up.  Thanks for buying $40 worth of toys to keep my child quiet
    for the 12 hour ride home.  May we never have to do it again. 

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    My Blogher post is coming tomorrow

    August 3, 2006

    I can’t get ANYTHING done.   I am studying for my last test (hopefully ever) and the only *&^%ing thing standing between me and the title Esquire.  I was going to swear, but after an in depth conversation with Rachel (right before the shots celebrating her 30th birthday) about being a responsible parent who is not a hypocrite, I find myself typing the symbols instead.  Oh how Blogher will change you…

    So you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to hear about the illustrious and gorgeous Maggie Mason greeting me with “So Jen tells me you are 10 to 11 weeks pregnant.  SO AM I!!!!!!!!!!!!  Maybe we conceived our babies on the EXACT SAME DAY.”   A discussion of conception, all before I had a chance to put out my hand and say “hello.”  But if you have ever met Maggie, this would not surprise you at all.

    Did I mention that  I am pregnant?????? 

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    Oh, you can’t take The Boy anywhere

    July 28, 2006

    Special thanks to Heather for making me feel like the pretty girl at the prom and inviting us to share a table with the cool kids.  And while she threatened to rip my “Stay at Home Blogger” tshirt from my body, I apparently forgot to mention that I am selling them for $15 over at Baby Brewing.  She will get one for free because she is so very nice and she was the very first person to tell me that she had read my blog. 

    Other than the fact that The Boy is the spawn of Satan, this is going much better than expected.  I mean, I have only burst into tears once today and the fried chicken at the lunch buffet hit the spot.  Weight Watchers was clearly not on staff for the menu selection.  Did I mention I had chocolate cake for dessert?  Now all I need is that 52 oz. bag of M&M’s I saw at BJ’s the other day.

    OK, so The Boy isn’t bad.  In fact, he has been entertaining.  Inappropriately entertaining, but entertaining nonetheless.  We had to leave the last session (with 700 women) because when the sponsor (American Greetings) was commenting on how AG had been in the business of connecting people for over 100 years, The Boy yelled, “YEH!!!!!!  and clapped his hands wildly.  Special thanks to all the 699 women who laughed, because then he had to do it repeatedly.  It’s OK, because I was in the seat farthest from the door, so he was able to do it 4 more times before I got out of there.

    “But Kristen, I thought you were taking him to BlogHer daycare” you say. 

    Yeah, right.  After convincing Jessica how absolutely FABULOUS the small crowd was over there, I went back with The Boy’s diaper bag, only to find him hysterical.  Jessica’s baby Katie was sweet and never made a peep  after Jessica dropped her off.  In fact,  I think she is stll there.  The staff was amazing, but I’m not doing that to myself or The Boy or the other kids who are socially adept and can go 11 minutes without Mom.  After his short stint in the land of fun toys and even funner staff, The Boy will have to be surgically removed from my body in order for separation to occur now.  We are talking conjoined. To add insult to injury, there is a woman here with a 15 month old that sits quietly during sessions, and fell asleep like a rag doll in her sling.  I think his head may have landed in the salad bowl at lunch and he still didn’t wake up.   

    I caught sight of the specific A-lister that was the object of Marelle’s desire and had an urge to take one of those freaky camera phone shots the paparazzi take of Britney that are ass-level and make her look like she is an actual carnival mirror image, but then I thought that I didn’t want to read about my behavior on 30 blogs tomorrow (“OMG, did you see that whack taking camera phone pictures?”).  For God’s sake, I met Paul McCartney once and didn’t ask for HIS autograph.  What the hell were you thinking anyway, Marelle?  You and me listened to a lot of Amy Grant in high school together so I had better be your biggest blog crush. 

    The Boy sleeps.  Finally.  I wish I had brought a blender to this party.  This day has “Target run” written all over it.  It’s about time for a pina colada, Baby.

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