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    I’m One Big Parent-Teacher Conference Waiting to Happen

    September 26, 2012

    I generally don’t beat myself up over my parenting choices. You are welcome to put the Little Tykes Car on the trampoline and then bounce your brother in it until someone throws up. I’ve given you ample warning that it’s GOING TO HAPPEN and you still think it’s a good idea. Test out that hypothesis of yours already. I’ll just stand here with a coffee in one hand and a fresh shirt that will fit any of you that vomit upon yourself. Rather than dwelling on my less-than-mainstream parenting, I spend more time beating myself up for important things like the chick who started a Mommy Needs a Beer fan page on Facebook and got 150,000 likes in 2 months. Ah, opportunity lost.

    So tonight as Ethan was making chocolate chip cookies, he glanced over at me casually.

    E: So… I got a 95 on my quiz today.
    K: That’s good.
    E: Well, I would have gotten them all right except I answered a question that was right but the computer told me it was wrong. SOOOO dumb.
    K: What question?
    E: It’s so stupid. You won’t believe it. The question was “I can use the stove by myself” and of course, I answered “yes.”
    K: You didn’t.
    E: I DO.
    K: I meant “you didn’t answer ‘yes.'”
    K: Ethan, the rest of the world doesn’t let a 7-year-old have her top secret chocolate chip cookie recipe and then let him bake cookies. And you were, in fact, “under the supervision of an adult while operating the stove.” (**LAWYERED**)
    E: No, I wasn’t. You were sleeping in bed.
    K: That was like three weeks ago. But I was standing right here tonight.
    E: Whatever. Are you telling me I should lie?
    K: ….
    E: Mom?
    K: I’m telling you that the answer that grown ups want to hear is that you were “operating a stove under the supervision of an adult.” I was in the house. That constitutes supervision.
    E: SOOOO dumb.

    Crossing my fingers that the safety quiz never says “I can brew beer by myself.” Please, Lord.

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