Occasionally I do things that really annoy my husband. Do not ask my husband, under any circumstances, to go outside after he has taken his shoes off. He will do whatever you ask but the groaning and moaning under his breath is extensive.
Then there is the changing of the bed. Tonight I rushed upstairs to put the sheets back on The Boy’s bed before got out of his bath. I threw our sheets onto the bed and went back to cleaning the bathroom. I promptly forgot about the sheets until The Husband trudged up the stairs. I was busy cleaning up glass from behind the couch downstairs (I don’t know. Don’t ask.) so I just pretended it wasn’t happening.
When I came up to bed, I peeled the comforter back. There on my bed was a scratchy bottom sheet. 180 thread count on a GOOD day.
People, since the creation of Smart Bargains.com (home of the $89.99 800 thread count sheets) and Overstock.com, there is absolutely no reason to own sheets that are less than 600 threads per square inch. Yes, I saw the sheet expose and I know about the thread count scandal of cheating about number of threads. But anyway you look at it, no one should be sleeping on a sheet that is meant to go on top an air mattress on your camping trip.
Air mattress on a camping trip? Try the two-tiered mattress. And let’s be honest. I put the 600 thread count sheets on that bad boy too. If I am going to be charged by wild animals and be subjected to nasty bugs, I should at least have some comfort to look forward to at the end of my day. My husband was mortified. Since we were reliving the Lewis and Clark Expedition, I had to hear how neither needed an air mattress or fancy-schmancy sheets. Which no one complained about once he rested his nasty head on them at the end of the day. Atop the air mattress.
K: What the hell is this green sheet doing on the bed?
K: I left the matching one to this top sheet right here.
D: Well. I didn’t SEE any sheets so I had to FIND some.
K: Well. I don’t know where you found them because I don’t normally leave the SANDPAPER sheets upstairs.
K: I don’t think I can sleep on them.
He refused to get out of the bed because he thought I was being ridiculous. I slid my ass across the sandpaper-like sheets and got into the bed.
Kinda feels like college except without the smell of incense and stale BLD.