As seen at TargetMommy Needs A Cocktail at Baby Brewing buttonBuy the original here

Mommy Needs to Tweet

It's real time updates about who's trying to burn down my house now. Find and follow Mommy4Cocktails.

As seen on Good Morning America

Baby Brewing Button

Where is Mommy Needs a Cocktail




Contact Me


    trena b designs button

    My heart was in the right place

    May 8, 2009

    mgI woke with a start when he shoved my arm. I think it took two shoves.

    D: There is a beeping outside.
    K: Ok?
    D: I’m gonna go check it out.
    K: Ok. What do you need me to do?
    D: Nothing. I’m just gonna go.

    Horrible person that I am, that “What do you need me to do?” was really “why the hell did you wake me up?” in my head but I maintain lack of sleep makes me mean.

    He got all prepared in a man way and I heard him and the dog go out the front door. Five minutes later he came back.

    D: I couldn’t find where it was coming from.
    K: What do you think it is?
    D: I don’t know. It might be a carbon monoxide alarm.
    K: Do you want to call the police?
    D: They’ll just want to talk to us.
    K: They won’t. We’ll just give them our names. I mean, what if it IS a carbon monoxide alarm?

    I sent a text to The Cake Lady.

    K: You guys okay? There is an alarm going off in the neighborhood.
    CL: We’re fine. I’ll go check.

    Five minutes later.

    CL: I can’t hear it outside.

    In the end, I called the cops. I was not having dead neighbors.
    I talked to the 911 operator, blah, blah, blah.

    Then I tried to go back to sleep. Which of course I couldn’t do.

    We heard the car come up the street and pull into our driveway.
    Then another.


    I’m laying in bed, proud of my fulfilling my civic duty and looking out for my fellow man. Derek got up and went outside to talk to the cops. Nobody could figure out where it was.

    He came back inside.

    K: Well, we did our best.

    Then there was a knock at the door.

    Derek went down and answered the door.

    Cop: Sir. (pause) The alarm is coming from your trash can.

    I was lying in bed. The words that came out of my mouth would curl the ears of a sailor.

    And then the cop and I said, in complete unison, with him downstairs and me in my bed…

    “There’s a smoke alarm in the trash can.”

    Yeah. That cleaning rampage I was on earlier? When I was throwing out everything not tied down and throwing raw sewage on top of it to keep my husband from digging it back out? I came across and old smoke alarm that we had replaced at the old house.

    Apparently it still worked.


    Share on Facebook


    1. Carrie says:

      Oh, that’s too funny!

      May 8th, 2009 at 6:31 am

    2. loriu says:

      that is hilarious. i, too, have been tossing all that is not tied down. thanks for the heads up on throwing out alarms of sorts!

      but hey, CO2 ain’t nothing to mess around with, either…

      May 8th, 2009 at 7:05 am

    3. WhyMommy says:


      Too funny.

      May 8th, 2009 at 8:10 am

    4. tara says:

      i was having a shitty day. then i read this.
      all of a sudden i felt so organized and intelligent. thanks for that.

      May 8th, 2009 at 10:26 am

    5. Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas says:

      Oh dear! That’s pretty epic!

      May 8th, 2009 at 12:46 pm

    6. Kelly says:

      THAT is beautiful and totally something I would do! Thanks for the laugh on an otherwise terrible day! 🙂

      May 8th, 2009 at 1:50 pm

    7. CFFG (Melissa) says:

      Sounds about right!

      OMG he looks so much like Nay Nay. Or at least like the first time I saw him at the Post Office in his carseat! Adorable.

      May 8th, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    8. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah says:


      May 8th, 2009 at 2:57 pm

    9. Manic Mommy says:

      I’d like to hear the subsequent conversation between you and Derek.

      Thanks for the gratuitous and totally adorable picture.

      May 8th, 2009 at 4:21 pm

    10. Marelle says:


      May 8th, 2009 at 5:42 pm

    11. Mary @ Holy Mackerel says:

      Holy mackerel, that’s funny. Good one. I hope the cop found it funny too, and didn’t give you shit. :o)

      May 8th, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    12. Sara says:

      Haha love it…and the picture too!!!

      May 9th, 2009 at 9:10 am

    13. Mark says:

      Sorry Officer, it’s not the car alarm going off, it’s just my trashcan’s smoke alarm…..cuz our trash is kind of hawt. Yeah it’s that kind of neighborhood.

      I can see the line of t-shirts now…….

      May 9th, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    14. Vicky says:

      This reads like a post I would have. I would say only you… but this shit happens to me too.

      May 11th, 2009 at 8:46 am

    15. Jen says:

      Ohmygod…that is hilarious!! Hahaha…totally something that I would do! I love that you called the cops for it! =)

      May 11th, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    16. Carin - Forever in Blue Jeans says:

      What a great post, too funny! I can just imagine the look on the cops face. Priceless.

      May 12th, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    17. Meg says:

      Only you!!!

      May 27th, 2009 at 5:05 am

    Leave a comment