I woke with a start when he shoved my arm. I think it took two shoves.
D: There is a beeping outside.
D: I’m gonna go check it out.
K: Ok. What do you need me to do?
D: Nothing. I’m just gonna go.
Horrible person that I am, that “What do you need me to do?” was really “why the hell did you wake me up?” in my head but I maintain lack of sleep makes me mean.
He got all prepared in a man way and I heard him and the dog go out the front door. Five minutes later he came back.
D: I couldn’t find where it was coming from.
K: What do you think it is?
D: I don’t know. It might be a carbon monoxide alarm.
K: Do you want to call the police?
D: They’ll just want to talk to us.
K: They won’t. We’ll just give them our names. I mean, what if it IS a carbon monoxide alarm?
I sent a text to The Cake Lady.
K: You guys okay? There is an alarm going off in the neighborhood.
CL: We’re fine. I’ll go check.
Five minutes later.
CL: I can’t hear it outside.
In the end, I called the cops. I was not having dead neighbors.
I talked to the 911 operator, blah, blah, blah.
Then I tried to go back to sleep. Which of course I couldn’t do.
We heard the car come up the street and pull into our driveway.
I’m laying in bed, proud of my fulfilling my civic duty and looking out for my fellow man. Derek got up and went outside to talk to the cops. Nobody could figure out where it was.
He came back inside.
K: Well, we did our best.
Then there was a knock at the door.
Derek went down and answered the door.
Cop: Sir. (pause) The alarm is coming from your trash can.
I was lying in bed. The words that came out of my mouth would curl the ears of a sailor.
And then the cop and I said, in complete unison, with him downstairs and me in my bed…
“There’s a smoke alarm in the trash can.”
Yeah. That cleaning rampage I was on earlier? When I was throwing out everything not tied down and throwing raw sewage on top of it to keep my husband from digging it back out? I came across and old smoke alarm that we had replaced at the old house.
Apparently it still worked.