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    The funny things in life and the Virginia Wine Showcase 2009

    February 4, 2009

    Does anyone know what it means when you call your bank and they say you are $100 overdrawn but you have an available balance of $390?  I don’t know what that means.  I would have beeped through the menu to find out but anyone who has ever been in a car with a kid while using dialing menus knows that is the best way to end up being connected to the nice customer service guy named Aaron in India.

    Does anyone know why they make “childproof” locks for closets and doors that only take about two seconds for your kids to figure out before they are mainlining Tums and bandaiding each other and making really awesome sculptures out of tampax?  All of which were on a shelf 6 feet high which means that someone had to use someone else as a ladder to overcome the first three feet?

    Does anyone know why reasonably intelligent women like myself never get a clue and just teach the DAMN NEARLY 4 YEAR OLD TO EITHER COOK COMPLETE DINNERS OR DO THE LAUNDRY?  I should just send him back to Montessori.  He won’t be able to read until he is 8 but by golly, he’ll be able to cut a block of cheese for his friends and know the names of every tree in my backyard.  No, wait.  That was what he learned last year when he was 2 1/2.  Of course I would have to get him out of the bathroom closet.  See above.

    Does anyone know how everyone manages to be bugged about the condition of the house yet people continue to climb over the Mt. Everest of laundry that was clearly just thrown over the banister because SOMEONE DIDN’T WANT TO GO INTO LABOR OVER YOUR NASTY SOCKS by carrying the laundry downstairs like a sherpa?  So she just threw it over the banister and now it’s in the hallway.  As in the front entryway of the house.  As in, let’s just shove these pajamas over to the left so we can actually open the front door.

    Does anyone know exactly how much longer we will be tortured by Cabinet appointments?  I say we just give everyone a pass for everything less than 1st degree murder (unless it was justifiable homicide, of course) and put ourselves out of our misery.  I intend to use the “Turbo Tax Defense” myself this year, and I recommend everyone else do the same.

    Come by Saturday or Sunday, February 7 or 8, or both, to the Virginia Wine Showcase and say “Yo, Beotch!!!”  If you want a discount coupon, check this out.  I have rock star placement because I threatened to have a baby during the festival so they put me by the front door.  Look for the “Mommy Needs a Glass of Wine” banner hanging high above the crowd (unless that available balance of $390 means I don’t have any money.  Then just look for the insanely pregnant woman selling wine tees).

    ****Kidding, Turbo Tax.  Just kidding.  Every year you prompt me to complete that form for SS and unemployment.  Seriously.  I don’t know what that guy was talking about…

     

    11 Comments »

    1. miss thystle says:

      I believe the laundry related condition you’re refering to is caused by a disease known as “being a man”

      February 4th, 2009 at 10:59 am

    2. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah says:

      HOw come you get cool wine coupons when I go out of town?

      Shenanigans!

      February 4th, 2009 at 12:44 pm

    3. Wife and Mommy says:

      I’ll be there. :)

      February 4th, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    4. ellen says:

      And what exactly wrong with Aaron in India? hee hee

      February 4th, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    5. kate says:

      ahh i love banks! you are over drawn and put money in at the same time so you have an available balance that you can’t actually get to and they get to charge you a fee for being over drawn! lovely.

      mmmm wine…

      February 5th, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    6. Deb says:

      I totally made my kids work as soon as they were able. Maria Montessori said they need meaningful work, so that was good enough for me.

      February 5th, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    7. Marelle says:

      I feel terrible that I’m such a terrible friend. I know none of your pain…I slept till 1:50pm and Daddy was at work. ?!?! The house was still standing. And, they’re making meals for themselves. My life is now complete! haha

      February 7th, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    8. Annie says:

      Ahhhhh!!! Get that laundry thing! Have been sick since Friday morning and the house is still in shambles and the mountain of clothes has reached Mt. Everest height. Although my younger son used the vacuum cleaner to clean the dust out of his Playstation!!! Priorities!!! At least my hubby went grocery shopping and is cooking dinner tonight. Thank goodness for the little things ;)

      February 8th, 2009 at 11:17 am

    9. Manic Mommy says:

      Teach the boys to cook…hmmm. You’re right, it can’t be any more dangerous than the shit they come up with on their own.

      I flew through DC this weekend, had I known you were at a wine show, I would have ditched the fam to meet you.

      February 9th, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    10. jenn says:

      Love your blog! It is sooo funny! That is why I have awarded you the triple award! Come by my blog to pick it up!

      February 10th, 2009 at 6:00 am

    11. Kristi says:

      I am not pregnant but am very clumsy and also have to throw the laundry over the banister into our living room. AND every.single.time, my husband tells me how “unsafe” it is, yet he can’t be bothered to bring it down for me. Hmmm…..

      February 10th, 2009 at 6:25 am

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