D: What is that sound?
K: The fan sound?
K: A fan.
D: (blank look)
K: It’s in the attic. I heard it all day yesterday but first I thought Pete was doing something crazy with some building or something next door but then it didn’t stop and I had only been in bed for 13 hours at that point so it wasn’t like I was going to get up and tell you about it. Then at hour 16 when you came in to check to see if I was breathing I was so excited to see you that I forgot to tell you.
D: There’s a fan on in the attic?
K: Um, yes. Do fans normally kick on in 30 degree temperatures? I’m thinking not.
D: Maybe it’s the radon fan.
D: The fan that removes the radon from the basement?
K: And? Is it something crazy like how out here in the country everyone has 16 different water treatment/softener machines in their basement and the freaks up the street are still boiling their drinking water?
D: Probably yes. Well, technically, I think radon is slightly radioactive but it’s not that big a deal.
The power of the understatement that is my husband. Who says this kind of crap? Slightly radioactive? All I can see now is someone checking those little pen-like things in our shirt pockets to determine if we should be sent to quarantine. This is the kind of things you think when you grow up in the shadow (or technically within 20 miles) of a nuclear power plant.
K: Um. Hold the phone. What the hell is “slightly radioactive?” Would that be “we’ll only slightly die in our beds tonight?” because I swear I would have told you 12 hours ago if I had known that something in the house was radioactive.
D: I’m sure it’s fine. We’ll look it up on Google. I think it really has to build up to affect you and then you have to be in the basement.
Where I do all my work. In the now radioactive basement.
Turns out the fan is going. It’s just attempting to throw a blade or lost a bearing or something else. No worries. We bought one for half-price on e-bay because nothing says concern for your family’s safety like cutting monetary corners in these times of economic woes.
I only have to sell 22 kids tees to pay for the fan to keep my radioactivity down to within federal limits. Buy up.