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    After all that heckling, you know Noah’s neighbors were sorry

    January 7, 2009

    ArubaWe should have built an ark.  We should have built an ark.  Have I mentioned that we should have built an ark?  Or at least a boat? Wait, we have that boat.  But I think it leaks.  The Husband swears it doesn’t.

    With temperatures hovering at 34 degrees, it won’t stop raining.  As I speak, the children are mesmorized by Steve Songs singing that “Rain is falling down, falling down, falling down” song and frankly, as much as I love Mr. Steve, I want to throw a boot at the television.   I can tolerate that 50% of the country had a white Christmas while we did not, but the rain has got to stop.  The only way daily rain is tolerable is if it was 80, I was illicitly lying on a beach chair at an all-inclusive in Aruba and I was carefully calculating the number of SECONDS it would take for that tiny rain cloud to pass over my body and move on as the sun shone brightly.  Kinda like those water spritzers they have at the pools in Vegas.  But all natural.  On the perfect day it would be exactly 120 seconds.  Just enough time to rinse the salt water off your body but not long enough to get your towel too wet.

    Don’t ask how I know these complicated equations.  I just do.

    I don’t know how you people in the Pacific Northwest do it.  Oh, that’s right.  You have SNOW now.  Are we getting your rain?

    The roof is leaking.  At least it’s in the bathroom.  On the bright side, you are already wet from your shower.  And my basement full of thousands of shirts?  Dry as a bone.  See, it’s not all doom and gloom over here.  Except that part where The Boy threw up the second we walked into the barber shop last night.  He had complained about wanting to throw up but I thought he was just faking.  What a horrible mother.  We were out to dinner and his father said, “give him that cup in case he wants to throw up” and I was all, “if I give him my sprite cup then I can’t refill it.”

    Thirty minutes later I was cleaning up puke at the barber’s.  That’ll teach me.  I also was carrying a plastic bag for him to throw up in but in good pregnancy form, held it in my hand as he vomited 4 times.  You think the thought would have crossed my mind to open it up and, I don’t know, stick it under his mouth?  Nah.  The barbers thanked me profusely for cleaning up because apparently the last horrible mother who didn’t believe her child was going to throw up was in such denial that she didn’t believe he threw up even as they walked through it to the door.

    It felt slightly like watching a dog throw up.  You stare oddly at the vomit, wondering where all that stuff came from because none of it looks remotely like Kibble.  This time it was the shell pasta that threw me off.  We haven’t had pasta in a week.  I’m pretty sure we don’t have any leftovers in the fridge.  Who knows?  He was asleep at 7 and woke up looking fresh and frisky this morning.  We’ll see what happens.

    I had to get up at 11:40 last night because I forgot my credit card bill was due.  In this economy, I could have awakened today to a 78% interest rate and a $200 late fee.  Too bad we couldn’t have just gotten that American Express bailout directly attributed to my card.  That would have been nice.  Bastards.

    I really don’t have anything else for you.  Sorry.

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    1. Amber says:

      The rain has returned to the Northwest, and is working at washing away the snow. I feel very relieved.

      And how can I tolerate the incessant downpour? Because I live in Canada, where this is as balmy as it gets. A little moisture beats months of deep freeze in my book.

      And sorry about the puking. I hope it was a one-off.

      January 7th, 2009 at 9:45 am

    2. Manic Mommy says:

      Out of all that, I took away an image of lying on the beach, boat drink in hand. Ahhh. Thanks for the 10 second vacation. Today, I will make that my happy place.

      January 7th, 2009 at 9:46 am

    3. ellen says:

      you need flip orley’s relaxation tape! Charge it to the automakers – I hear they are getting money too.

      January 7th, 2009 at 10:48 am

    4. Jerri Ann says:

      Did you see the photos of the flooding here at my house? There on my blog, not sure how many posts down but they are places where the bottom of the hills and at a few bridges you couldn’t even cross

      January 7th, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    5. Jerri Ann says:

      Here it is, I found it

      January 7th, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    6. Mark says:

      I think I spot D on the beach drinking a Corona.

      Wait that can’t be him drinking that crappy beer, it must be a Dopplebanger.

      January 7th, 2009 at 8:17 pm

    7. Devon says:

      It’s plenty rainy here in Western Washington (state). I’m glad it’s tapered off a bit and we didn’t get a repeat of last year.

      Our garage is flooding a bit, which is annoying. Glad it’s a rental.

      January 8th, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    8. thehusband says:


      That definitely isn’t me drinking a crappy beer. That leaves the question of who that is.

      The boat does not leak, but it probably still isn’t up to evacuation standards.

      January 9th, 2009 at 11:09 am

    9. Hope42Day says:

      I am sorry about the rain, leaks, credit card bill and vomit. Don’t think Noah’s Ark could solve anything but just add problems with the animals and all…

      January 10th, 2009 at 8:06 pm

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