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    Mommy Needs Daddy to Shut the Hell UP

    December 17, 2008

    If it makes you feel any better, my husband told me the other day he isn’t reading my blog anymore because I don’t post enough.

    Did anyone know he read my blog? Who knew?

    So we went to the new practice the other day. They were really nice but I could see I was going to have some trouble. I mean, the scale is practically in the waiting room. Is there anyone out there on the street that can’t see what I weigh?

    We went to an exam room and I begged off to the lav. And what did my wondering eyes see? A magical scale there had appeared.

    K: Hey, I weighed myself when I was in the bathroom. I weighed (grumble).
    Midwife: Oh, that scale isn’t calibrated. We don’t use it.

    Damn. My husband looked at me in disbelief.

    Then we were downstairs and I was on the scale. With my jeans and clunky boots on.

    K: You know, these boots are really heavy and so are these jeans. They have to weigh at least three pounds. So that makes me (grumble). Which is great since I started out at (grumble).
    D: WHAT??? (turning to the midwife, who was clearly no-nonsense and writing down the EXACT WEIGHT ON THE SCALE). You know she lies about her weight? At the last place they had the honor system. She “weighed herself” in the bathroom. And lied.

    I looked first to see if Judas had stuffed the 30 pieces of silver in his pockets or if it was already strewn on the floor at my feet.

    D: And that starting weight? Okay….

    What.

    The.

    Hell.

    He is so not coming with me the next time I go to the office because that’s my glucose test. You think anyone would notice if I gave it to The Boy? Kidding. I kid. I do. Really. I just think if I lie by TWO POUNDS to make myself feel a little better that the whole world SHOULDN’T COLLAPSE.

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    12 Comments »

    1. big hair envy says:

      Thank GOD you finally posted again!!!!! Heehee!

      The title of your post (Ain’t it the truth?) has me laughing so hard that I can’t even come up with a comment!

      It was great to meet you at the Biz Baz. Sorry you were reduced to consuming cheese popcorn as a meal, but I hope you took pleasure in the fact that you were #2 on “Biz Baz” Google that day:) (I actually think you have moved up to #2 now. Don’t quote me….)

      December 17th, 2008 at 8:26 am

    2. big hair envy says:

      **#3**
      **#2**

      Whatever! You get the idea.

      December 17th, 2008 at 8:27 am

    3. Carrie says:

      Your husband is a very brave man. Seriously. Mine would have been hurt. Of course, he has no idea of how much I weigh, and we plan to keep it that way.

      Good luck with the glucose test. So not looking forward to doing that again. Pregnancy is so glamourous.

      December 17th, 2008 at 9:31 am

    4. Vicky says:

      There is no talking about the weight. Unless I ask. That’s the only rule. Hope you are doing well! We still need coffee or whatever you might be drinking these days!

      December 17th, 2008 at 11:23 am

    5. Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas says:

      You think THAT’s bad? Try being married to a biologist. Every OB visit was NOVA episode. Ugh!

      December 17th, 2008 at 1:55 pm

    6. Tracee Sioux says:

      I wish my husband would stop reading my blog – I’d say much more about him then.

      December 17th, 2008 at 2:47 pm

    7. Manic Mommy says:

      My husband only heard my true weight while I was in active labor and needed to be accurate *for the drugs*

      Also, I flunked my glucose tolerance test after eating a Snickers bar on my way to the lab. Go figure.

      December 17th, 2008 at 3:37 pm

    8. ellen says:

      My husband reads my blog too – but that’s only because he is in India and it’s his way of finding out what we’re doing – once we join him I am sure his blogging reading days will be over – unless I start posting nude pictures of myself – which is most definitely not going to happen. 8-)
      Good luck with the glucose test. Drink up.

      December 17th, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    9. Jess says:

      SHUT THE HELL UP! He did not say that. I dont even know the man…and I think he’s currently on my SH*T list for the sake of all mankind.

      My husband keeps “thanking” me for all of his lovely sympathy pregnancy symptoms. What am I supposed to say? I keep saying “your welcome”.

      December 18th, 2008 at 8:47 pm

    10. Jess says:

      PS call your midwife and ask if you can do the big breakfast (i will find the link for you) instead of glucose. Its worth a try. I also know someone who got to eat jelly beans instead of the glucose.

      December 18th, 2008 at 8:48 pm

    11. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah says:

      Dude.

      None of his beeswax.

      Didn’t he see that doghouse video on youtube?

      December 19th, 2008 at 2:14 pm

    12. Kathy Sena at Parent Talk Today says:

      Jelly beans instead of the glucose, Jess? LOVE that idea? Where were you when I had my glucose test??

      December 19th, 2008 at 4:36 pm

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