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    How to guarantee a short conversation with your mother

    November 21, 2008

    My Mother Ginny:  I’m just calling to see how he is doing. 
    K: Why are you calling?
    MMG: I’m checking on how he is feeling and what happened with the stitches.
    K: Mom,  did I tell you about Derek getting a vasectomy because it’s not like I would keep that from you but it doesn’t seem like something that would have just come up in conversation with your mother. “Hey, did I mention The Husband is getting fixed?” It’s not like I would hide it or anything.  It just seems surprising that we would have discussed it but it was nice of you to call to check on him. His stitches are fine.  He’s fine.  A little whiny, you know, telling doctor that he hadn’t changed his mind–he still didn’t want to do it–but what do you expect?  His stitches look alright, I guess, but it’s not like I’m in a rush to check them out again.

    Cue the chorus of crickets, Bob.

    MMG:  I was calling about Ethan’s stitches.
    K:  Oh, hmm.  Hmm.  Yeah, they need 4 people to hold him down to get them out but he’s fine now.
    MMG:  Great.  That’s all I was calling about.

    Shockingly, it seemed as if we had nothing left to say.

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    1. Dave says:

      That’s funny. …and troubling. Funny and troubling. I don’t know if I should offer Derek congratulations or condolences.

      November 21st, 2008 at 7:44 pm

    2. kristin/kwr221 says:

      OMG, I’m dying laughing here and I can’t explain to my kids. :-X

      That is totally a conversation I could see myself having. With my mother.

      Or worse, with my boss.

      He’s a pastor.

      November 21st, 2008 at 8:07 pm

    3. Marelle says:

      Uh–I think you should have consulted me on that one if I were you.

      It took me some months to drop that bomb on my mother . . . and, how wonderful it was to hear my mother tearfully lament that now we wouldn’t be having that baby girl that she dreamed about . . . “Yeah, Mom, that’s why he had the thing all sewed up!” I guess he had the same dream!

      November 21st, 2008 at 8:36 pm

    4. Jenni says:

      Oh, bahahahahahaha!

      November 21st, 2008 at 8:52 pm

    5. Kimberly says:

      It works every time too. Mine had his years ago and it is still a conversation stopper.

      November 22nd, 2008 at 5:44 am

    6. iMommy says:


      November 22nd, 2008 at 7:13 am

    7. Manic Mommy says:

      Not my mom. She’d be dying to hear all about it. Sometimes that nursing background is a curse.

      Glad the big man, and the little man…and the other little man are doing okay.

      November 22nd, 2008 at 9:39 am

    8. Stimey says:

      Oh, that’s some funny stuff right there.

      November 22nd, 2008 at 1:38 pm

    9. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah says:


      *deep breath*


      November 22nd, 2008 at 3:15 pm

    10. Zandor says:

      Ha. That’s funny.

      November 23rd, 2008 at 11:07 am

    11. Danielle says:

      SO FUNNY!

      November 23rd, 2008 at 4:22 pm

    12. YMGH says:

      It was kind of funny the way you blabbered on to me, you know, barely stopping to take a breath. But you know you do make great kids but okay, 3 is good!

      November 23rd, 2008 at 10:41 pm

    13. YMGH says:

      Oh but remember my friend Melissa and those two extra kids she had? They did a little repair job after 4 surprised them but they still had kid #5…real cute little girl!

      November 23rd, 2008 at 10:46 pm

    14. BananaBlueberry says:

      This is why I stop by from time to time-
      hilarity-ensues 🙂

      I think you should contact the networks about a sitcom 🙂

      November 24th, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    15. Domestic Goddess (in training) says:

      That is great. I am pretty sure my parents still think my kids came from immaculate conception. My mom would die if I mentioned my husband’s penis medically or otherwise.

      November 24th, 2008 at 12:26 pm

    16. Kris says:

      You had this conversation with your mom? That is too funny! 🙂

      November 25th, 2008 at 8:31 pm

    17. Laptop Televison Mom says:

      Oh wow. I actually feel sorry for you mom on this one. Checking on the grandson and had to hear about the son-in-law’s franks and beans. Yikers.

      – LTV Mom

      November 26th, 2008 at 5:44 pm

    18. tara says:

      ooohhhh – I LOVE that Ginny! Very funny.

      November 26th, 2008 at 8:16 pm

    19. Alison says:

      My brother’s same surgery was outed at church by his sweet little daughter asking for prayer for daddy in Sunday School because he couldn’t pick her up. Funny stuff.

      December 4th, 2008 at 12:34 pm

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