In a couple of weeks we’ll be celebrating my in-laws 50th wedding anniversary. In the invitation, we asked everyone to send pictures from the last 50 years. It has been the BEST thing ever.
Last night some pictures came in the mail and I thought I was going to cry. With laughter. You see, I was going to cry because on one particular picture of a large group, there was a small Postit note that said “Turn over.” On the back was a long explanation of how the sender loved this picture from years ago so much because it had everyone in it. And that was part of the apology. Everyone included the prior Mrs. Derek. Not that she loved Mrs. Derek. You hare hard pressed to find anyone who has anything good to say about the former Mrs. Derek.
I’ll be honest. I have only seen one picture of the former Mrs. Husband. It was a wedding picture (not theirs) from a former marriage of a relative (which also ended in divorce). Other than attempting to sell her waterford wedding crystal on E-Bay (the only thing she didn’t take when she left), I would have to say she really isn’t a subject of conversation over here. So there she was, in all her glory, complete with her microbangs.
K: What the???? Where are her bangs?
D: It was the soccer haircut.
K: You mean she had those bangs with a mullet?
D: Sort of.
K: Damn that Janine Turner.
K: The Northern Exposure chick with the microbangs. Making everyone else think they could pull it off too. And let me tell you, my friend. It didn’t work.
D: (overwhelmed with boredom over a fashion discussion) Whatever.
K: So what are we going to do with the picture?
People are a little sensitive in my husband’s family about the former Mrs. Derek. It’s not like we can leave her in there because people will be sad when they see it. “Wasted his youth, years of torment, broke his heart.” He could not care less about her being in the picture. Honestly. And neither could I. If she wasn’t so poorly behaved, I would have to be doing a LOT more around here to keep him happy. Wrong, but true. We started to brainstorm about keeping the picture but removing her. Sharpie out her face? Cut her head out with manicure scissors? Photoshop in Cheryl Tiegs (hey, that’s his middle school fantasy)? Make her face into a talk cloud above the head of the person in front of her?
Then, with my husband’s permission, I suggested we ask you, oh great Internet, for your brilliant ideas about what to do with the dime-sized former Mrs. Derek in the nostalgia picture. I can’t post the picture because I am protecting the guilty. But can I just say my husband was HOT in the ’90’s.
So let me know what you think we should do with the picture. If you think we should go with the conversation cloud in lieu of her head, tell me what it should say. We’ll pick the winner together and we’ll send you a little something. It’ll be a surprise.