OK, you think I may have fallen off the face of the earth? Well, you see, there was the broken A.C. unit upstairs. Two techs later and a “thank you, ma’am, that will be at least $2100 to fix. And by the way, it doesn’t have any refridgerant in it. Which means that you have probably killed the only part of the unit that wouldn’t have needed to be fixed for another 12-14 years.”
No problem. We know how to adapt. So what if that news came on the hottest day of the year so far. Three digit hot. Buy Mega Millions tickets and move down into the basement where the air conditioning still works. Actually it works on the first floor too. We are golden. Sure we’ll have to all sleep in one 10 x 10 room, a la Little House on the Prairie style, but it’ll be fun. An adventure, if you will.
Then there was the big storm. The storm that my husband warned me about as I dropped The Boy off at his little nature camp at the local park. Tornado warnings? This isn’t Kansas, people.
Until I came out of BJ’s. I saw it rolling in and I had that cart going at least 15 miles an hour. Everyone thought I was crazy in the parking lot but I knew exactly what was about to happen. I slammed the door with The Baby inside as the storm hit with rain pelting me and the wind blowing my shirt over the top of my head. That moment I knew panic. The phone rang and my husband told me that it was really bad. As I raced down the road, I saw huge bolts of lightning hitting what appeared to be the park where I had left my son. At an outdoor camp. I passed downed trees and practically threw up. I roared up to the camp to find the counselors carrying kids to the minivan to drive them across the lot to the concrete bathroom. I threw the kids in the car and raced home. Except I had to get out once to help a group of 10 people try to move a tree out of the road. We got home to find the power out. And apparently a tree in the back yard was struck by lightning and the top came down, taking out about 5 trees in it’s wake. And the fence. But it wasn’t on the house. It left a massive dent in the ground where it landed. Which is better than on our heads.
Then the car broke down today on the interstate as the temperature hit 100 at 10:40 in the morning. I called the Cake Lady and she was on her way. Then my phone went dead. So there I was in the middle of 16 lanes of traffic, in 100 degrees, with two kids in the car and no cell phone. I stood by the car for 15 minutes before these really nice guys in a garbage truck stopped to help me. Maybe it was the tears streaming down my face that made them stop. Maybe they were just angels. I don’t know. I couldn’t get it together and one just handed me his phone. Who to call? There are funky rules about the interstate. You can’t just call a tow truck. It has to be a tow truck with some sort of agreement with the state. I rolled the dice.
Operator: 911, what is your emergency?
K: I’m sorry to call 911 because this isn’t an emergency but my cell phone died and I don’t know the non-emergency number for the police so I can call them because I am broken down on 395 in 100 degree temperatures and I have two babies in the car.
Operator: Ma’am. That IS an emergency. Where are you?
Not 90 seconds later the VDOT emergency assistance guys rolled up. I love my husband and all, but I think I could have kissed those 250 pound ZZTop looking guys who got out of that truck.
My children? Everything is a friggin’ adventure. I blame this on my mother’s genes. The ability to see the excitement in even the most frustrating times. The guys left their truck running with the A/C on and I got in with the kids. The Baby? Just tried to drive the damn truck off the entire time. The Boy? Fascinated, OBSESSED with the handle to the window. WTH? That truck was so retro.
The Cake Lady drove up, took the kids and upon extensive discussion with ZZ Top, I was off to Auto Zone to buy a battery and bring it back so they could put it in for free. For THAT? They got cigarettes, cold water and beef jerky.
Sure my car died as I rolled into my driveway. Sure the battery solution that cost $84.95 isn’t the solution and I’ll probably have to park my car because it will be too much to fix. But bad things come in threes. And I had my three. So now I’m off to sleep LHOTP style in the basement. Unless that’s the sound of locust I hear outside my window…