The car keys are gone again. What moron has one key to a car? Oh, that would be the moron who is still living in her basement because she is too cheap to fix her air conditioner and doesn’t want to pay $300 for a car key.
Miss America/The Cake Lady: Why don’t you get a key made? I’LL pay for a key to be made.
K: Um, it costs $300.
MA/TCL: Not if you get a regular key.
K: But I can’t find anyone to make one for me. Other than the dealership.
MA/TCL: Oh, WE can find someone who will do it. I can promise you that.
I’ll just save us all time now and tell you where it was the last time I remember. Hopefully The Husband will read this on his way home from work on the train and won’t ask me. The Baby got his grimy little paws on the wallet/key combo just after I gave Josh all my money. As I watched The Baby attempt to take everything out of the wallet, I snatched it away from him. And then everything goes to gray.
Let’s face it. Today is just like any other day. Any other day except that I needed to drop off Kimberly’s shirts to her at
The Party Store Logan’s Costco. Even Sarah tried to help me find them. She tried to help me find them by cleaning my kitchen. Sarah is Miss America’s sister. Nothing. But now all my dishes are clean.
I called Chocolate Fountain Fairy Godmother.
CFFG: At least if it was The Baby, you only have to look close to the ground.
K: Actually I just found a wine glass on the top shelf of the cabinet above the sink. I’m gonna have to say all bets are off here.
Miss America offered to take me to the train station to pick up the truck. She actually offered to take me all the way to Costco. Kimberly offered to come get the shirts. Sheesh. We were on our way out the door when L.A. drove past. She slammed on her brakes and the window came down.
LA: What are you girls doing?
K: She’s gonna take me to the train station to pick up the truck because I can’t find the car keys.
LA: Does that thing even have gas in it (pointing to the parked Volvo)?
She was referencing the other day when my husband was supposed to take the car to the train station so I could spend $9 in gas to drop stuff off at recycling. He couldn’t take the car because it wouldn’t start. It wouldn’t start because it was out of gas. HEY!!! $3.89 a gallon will hit you in the ovaries. I don’t want to pay that. Which meant the car went down to below empty and wouldn’t start. I have the $1.89 a gallon gas my husband bought way back when for the lawn mower but I’ll be damned if I am going to put gas in the car if I can’t even find a damn key to start it. Know what I am saying?
K: No. No, it doesn’t have gas in it.
MA/TCL: You haven’t put gas in it yet?
K: Why would I put gas in it?
I have been through three trash cans and have done everything shy of turning him upside down and shaking to see if they fall off of some part of him. I’m giving it 24 more hours, then I’m taking the car off of the insurance. I mean, I can be saving all sorts of money around here. And the only thing I’m losing is my sanity.