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    Mommy Needs a Wet T-shirt Contest

    May 21, 2008

    Today we spent yet another day in the car for most of the day. I don’t know why. We started out at CFFG’s office where The Baby proceeded to fill his diaper with a load that would make your eyes water. He then proceeded to toss the place with reckless abandon that would make a DEA agent proud. I’m trying to get this stuff shipped out and I look over to see him walking across the room with a Lite beer. There are so many things wrong with that picture beyond the fact that a 15 month old had a can of Lite beer in his hand. I mean, do I have to break up with these people for drinking Lite beer? I would sooner pass on beer altogether than drink a Lite. I put it back and then I turned my back.

    When I turned back around, he had taken the entire contents of her desk and dumped it on the floor. The shredder was tipped over and he was sipping from a previously unseen McDonald’s cup. I shoved everything back into her desk and left, hoping for the best.

    7 errands later and we rolled into the drive about 2 minutes before The Husband (and the rain).

    TB: DadDadDadDad. We should go for a BIKE RIDE.

    You would think that rain would hinder someone but NO.

    D: Sounds like fun. Let’s ALL go on a bike ride.

    I looked at The Baby. He looked at me. I normally don’t ask his opinion about anything because, frankly, he’s a baby and I don’t speak his language. I decided to give it a stab.

    K: Nate, do you want to go for a ride in the stroller?

    Emphatic head shake “NO.” Hmm.

    K: Nate, what do you want to do?

    With that he reached up with his chubby little hand and grasped mine. He began to pull me out the door and onto the back porch. We walked across and he pointed to that damn trailer.

    K: Nate, do you want to go on a bike ride in the trailer?

    Emphatic head shake “YES.” Who friggin’ knew the kid understood what we were talking about and could communicate? I thought about asking him for lottery picks but that seemed a little shallow. We loaded up on our respective bikes and off we went. Did I mention it was raining?

    The funny thing about riding a bike in the rain? It kinda feels like being stabbed repeatedly with a fondue fork all over your body. I may have mentioned that it felt like sleet. By now The Baby is yelling because I keep trying to put that flap down to protect him from the rain but he can’t see. So he’s pissed. My t-shirt is soaked and now the cold wind is wooshing through that empty space under my bra where my boobs used to be before I weaned The Baby. If I actually owned ANOTHER bra, I would wear it. But the nice thing about the oversized bra? I now have a place to put my keys, my wallet, my cell phone and snacks for the kids. And a couple of drinks, now that I think about it. I put the trailer flap back up and The Baby screams from the pelting rain. Put it back down, screams again.

    The Boy? Taking a leisurely ride up the street, discussing the various plants and animals. Rain? I don’t see no stinking rain.

    The Zug is collecting money for a friend in need who needs a new computer.  Check it out over here.  Even a couple of dollars can help. 

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    1. the mama bird diaries says:

      Nice hard core effort on the bike ride. Way impressed. And laughing my ass off at this…

      “If I actually owned ANOTHER bra, I would wear it. But the nice thing about the oversized bra? I now have a place to put my keys, my wallet, my cell phone and snacks for the kids.”

      Great post.

      May 21st, 2008 at 7:40 pm

    2. Melissa (cffg) says:

      OMG! I called the police when I got to the office today! The door was unlocked, it smelled like someone had crapped all over the place and the office area ransacked. Who would dump my shredder? Did they think I hid the diamonds there?

      The police took their report and did take several small pieces of evidence. I think they called them Puffins….small little square cereal bites. What kind of robber brings snacks?


      May 21st, 2008 at 9:47 pm

    3. Jan says:

      OMG you’re so funny! My hubby hooked on the MNAC blog now that he saw your WS ’08 shirts on Michele Malkin’s website! Strange how the thongs on Cafe Press are made in USA…what, no thongs allowed in China?

      May 21st, 2008 at 11:24 pm

    4. Kimberly says:

      Can I take you bra shopping? Your boobs are too big to only have one, honey 🙂

      May 22nd, 2008 at 3:54 am

    5. Mark says:


      May 22nd, 2008 at 5:29 am

    6. Manic Mommy says:

      I can. not. beleive you got sucked into a bike ride in the rain – with the kids. Call Dick Cheney! You could be on to a replacement for water boarding.

      May 22nd, 2008 at 7:46 am

    7. Mark says:

      They seriously need to make a movie of your life.

      Imagine the Hollywood casting call. Starlets from all over coming in, wanting to play the wild, raucous MNAC and asking and being told that “Yes you’re going to have to RIDE that bike as the script calls for. But you do get to ride that tractor over there in the next scene.” I see them lining up already 🙂

      May 23rd, 2008 at 7:13 am

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