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    Just another installment of “what’s in my box?”

    May 15, 2008

    It’s been a while since I have shared a little somethin’ somethin’ from my inbox. I sense a theme.

    Not unlike an email I got from Jen, I mean “Afraid to Offend,” “Karen” writes,

    I just received my MNAC shirt for my birthday from my friend Amanda (she got
    one for Christmas). It’s awesome. I love it! Do you think it’s inappropriate
    to wear to chaperone a bunch of 3 and 4 year olds at the museum next week?!
    Thanks, it’s my favorite gift this year!

    Is it inappropriate, Karen? You are asking the wrong girl. I’m thinking for next week’s trip I should make you a “Mommy Needs you kids to shut the hell up” shirt. Wait, wait, wait. I can feel them coming. “I’m not your mommy, so wipe yourself.” “Mommy Drinks because You Kids Scream.” “Mommy Needs Prozac.” “Mommy Should Have Just Paid The $200 to get Out Of Co-op Duties.”

    How about the email from “DidIMentionIwastheHighSchoolValedictorianToo?”

    Dear Mommy Needs a Cocktail,

    People have been parenting for years. Why do you have to make it look so difficult? It really isn’t. I mean, I have 4 little angels and I never have any problems whatsoever.

    Bless your heart, DIMIWTHSVT. Hold on while I get The Boy off of the top of the kitchen cabinet. And pry the bag of dehydrated blueberries from his hand. Anyone have any idea how he got them off the top of the fridge and what, exactly, 18 servings of blueberries will do to the intestines of a waif-like 3 year old? Back to the email. No, wait. The Baby is missing. Who put him in this closet? Why do I bother ask who put him in this closet? You are right, DIMIWTHSVT, it IS a piece of cake. I don’t know why I can’t get my act together. Now where is that sour cream I need for dinner tonight? OH, RIGHT HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE KITCHEN FLOOR. Of course.

    And finally….

    Dear Sellout,

    I know you have this silly little business and all, but why do we have to hear about ever single new thing you have to sell? I come here to read about how you are gonna eventually send your kids to therapy, not to see some silly robe.

    Signed, You’re Killing Us With The Sales Pitches

    Well, You’re Killing Us With the Sales Pitches, you have a point. I probably should just go to a “Donate” button in the sidebar. But then I give you this? How can you fault me? And how else am I gonna pay for the damn therapy?

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    1. beergirl says:

      You know…everyone has an opinion on how YOU should do things…Bless their hearts!! and whatnot.

      May 15th, 2008 at 6:49 pm

    2. InterstellarLass says:

      I think I might need a new robe. I’m working on the cocktail (vodka and cranberry) right now. I feel a refill coming on…

      May 15th, 2008 at 9:48 pm

    3. Kimberly says:

      I think you should let me answer you mail 😉

      May 16th, 2008 at 2:46 am

    4. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah says:

      You know my motto… Fuck ’em.

      May 16th, 2008 at 5:57 am

    5. Drinking for Two (no, Three!) says:


      I think I know DIMIWTHSVT….

      I’d gladly click a “Donate Now” button (but am glad you offer cool products to boot!).

      Keep the sales pitches coming!!

      May 16th, 2008 at 6:38 am

    6. Jen Zug says:

      You have arrived, my friend. People only send you hate mail when you’re hitting the big time.

      And I’ll have you know, I wore my MNAC shirt to Ruthie’s “Kindergarten Roundup.” I mean, wouldn’t *you* if you were going to something called a “roundup”?

      May 16th, 2008 at 7:06 am

    7. the mama bird diaries says:

      hilarious. thanks for the laughs. 🙂

      May 16th, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    8. Shannon says:

      Ha, to the nay-sayers! My kids are exactly like yours, lol. When my eleven year old was a toddler he was ALWAYS in the fridge. One evening he found his fathers screwdriver and took apart the baby gates, he had moved on to the childlocks in the kitchen when we found him. This all happened in a matter of five minutes.

      May 17th, 2008 at 4:51 am

    9. 4benders says:

      Hilarious! Oh yeah, I need a cocktail because my two children are such angels, and I am a perfect parent, and because I NEVER want to tell my kids to SHUT UP!
      You offer a hilarious spin on parenting that we all need, and I think your business is great!
      May we all have parenting humor.
      Like right now, my husband is telling my kids he is going to take their brains out of their skull with the can opener because they refuse to use their imaginations this morning. I think they slightly believe him.

      May 18th, 2008 at 6:09 am

    10. Jesse says:

      Your blog rocks 🙂 My own children are adorable angels who never cause trouble, you know. *snort* BWAHAHA I almost wrote that with a straight face!

      May 19th, 2008 at 8:02 am

    11. Ginny says:

      I just found your website – Oh My God…I thought I was the only one who was on the look for the “Shut the Eff Up” shirts… You are my new hero!

      June 14th, 2008 at 8:04 pm

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