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    Who knew the sinus cavity went so far down into your face?

    April 20, 2008

    Some freaky girl getting her neti on

    Apparently I have had sinus issues for years. My mother first noticed when she came to visit and she was forced to listen to me trying to clear my sinuses in the shower. She may have had to go downstairs to avoid getting ill. I tell you this not to gross you out but to, well, okay, I guess gross you out.

    I’ll stand in the shower with scalding water pouring over my face, just waiting to feel it clear so I can breathe. So when I finally decided to seek medical attention and the liberal prescription of antibiotics which will probably one day result in me getting a cold and dying of pneumonia because my body can’t fight it, I remained skeptical. I’m not all healthy, healthy, but I don’t even take tylenol for a headache. Probably because I never get headaches.

    I took the antibiotic for 9 days and nothing. Then I succumbed to internet peer pressure/assvice and decided to take the steroids I was prescribed. Actually my mother told me to take the steroids so I did.

    Life without steroids: It’s not you, it’s me.
    Life with steroids: It’s all YOU, you a@#$#$%.

    I have noticed several things while on steroids. First, Roger Clemens, you lying sack of crap. Stop saying you didn’t KNOW you were on steroids. Since steroids, I have installed 100 feet of shelving, sanded 100 feet of shelving, prepped 100 feet of shelving with wood conditioner and stained 100 feet of shelving. In 1 hour. Derek took me to The Depot and made me saw 100 feet worth of trim for 100 feet of shelving. He left me in the trim department and came back to me sawing 5 pieces of trim at a time. Singing along with the country music.

    Had I a VW bug, I would have already taken it apart and put it back together. The flip side is, I have noticed what a fantastic mother I am. When I am not on steroids. Before steroids, my children made me so insane I was constantly wanting to kill myself. Now? I want to kill the kids. See? That’s good, right? I’m not scheduled to be left unattended with my children during the course of the prescription so no worries. Maribel comes to babysit me tomorrow.

    I explained to my husband how I was feeling.

    D: Oh, so you feel like a man does all the time?
    K: What do you mean?
    D: That violence will solve anything?
    K: TOTALLY. I just want to kill everyone. Is this how you guys feel all the time?
    D: Sometimes.
    K: Dude.

    The one thing I forgot? I bought the neti pot but I hadn’t actually used it. Since my shower tonight when I started to clear out my sinuses and I realized they actually go further than 1/2 inch below my eyes, I suddenly remembered The Pot.

    My husband stood there watching me. As I poured the saline solution up into the crevices of my head, my husband began to speak. He didn’t just speak. He started to ask me questions.

    “Is that going into your sinuses because it looks like it’s just coming out of your other nostril?”
    “How does it feel?”
    “Do you think it’s working?”

    What’s odd about this is that my husband doesn’t speak. And he hasn’t asked me a question since he proposed to me. So why he would begin to interrogate me while I am trying to irrigate my sinuses without drowning is beyond me. Some would have found this humorous. Did I mention I am on steroids? In case you are wondering, he’s buried in the back yard now.

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    1. the mama bird diaries says:

      Whoa… maybe take a break from the steroids? 🙂

      April 20th, 2008 at 5:52 pm

    2. K8spade says:

      My sinuses are so broke, there ain’t no goin back. I had a never-ending sinus infection for several months. Apparently I have a polyp in my left sinus cavity, somewhere below my eye socket. Nice, right? Surgery would clear things right up. But scalpels (or metal hooks on long wires) near my nostrils? Not so much.

      April 20th, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    3. witchypoo says:

      I sure hope the snot pot does the trick for you. It’s made a world of difference for me.

      April 20th, 2008 at 6:06 pm

    4. Nikki says:

      I love the neti pot although it is terribly gross. You know I am also a healthy child, yeah right!

      April 21st, 2008 at 3:27 am

    5. Shannon says:

      Hilarious!!! My husband never asks me anything either. Hope the infection clears up soon.

      April 21st, 2008 at 4:07 am

    6. Meg says:

      See, Dr. Oz was right – a whole new world has opened up for you just because some random chick in Oprah’s audience neti-potted herself on national television!

      April 21st, 2008 at 4:25 am

    7. RaeAnn Collins says:

      Oh the neti pot… the husband uses it religiously but I drown myself every time. I hope you feel better soon.

      April 21st, 2008 at 5:03 am

    8. Jen Zug says:

      Hilarious. My friend’s husband was recently on steroids for a blood treatment, and he kept complaining that he felt fat, emotionally irritable, and like eating everything in the house.

      “OH?” my girlfriend said. “sounds a lot like how I feel EVERY MONTH!”

      Yes, it’s true. My friend’s husband turned into a weepy, hormonal woman on PMS.

      April 21st, 2008 at 7:37 am

    9. Mark says:

      Hey K,
      The ‘Skins just called and they want to know what your number preference is for your new game jersey. They’re on the clock and are ready to draft and they heard some rumblings about this new amped-up, multi-tasking middle linebacker from their area.

      “Now go out there and stick somebody!” – Vince Lombardi

      April 21st, 2008 at 7:53 am

    10. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah says:

      Maybe I should get me some of them steroids. I’ve got some housework to do.

      April 21st, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    11. Manic Mommy says:

      I was wondering when the ‘roid rage was going to hit. At least you’re being productive.

      My brother terraced my mom’s entire back yard when they put him on ADD meds.

      Die! Die! Die!

      April 21st, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    12. Danielle says:

      Ohhhh…I hope you are feeling better! I think I effectively frightened my whole family when I ‘cleaned out’ my sinuses. Used a little bottle called Neilmed. It is creepily addictive now. (Tragic, I know) but so nice to be able to breathe….and who know you could go up oneside and down the other ?

      April 21st, 2008 at 5:44 pm

    13. Backpacking Dad says:

      I had a deviated septum um um um um un-deviated a couple of years ago, and they packed my nose full of gauze for a few days.

      When they unpacked my nose I got a first hand look at just how much room there is in the sinuses…I could feel them pulling the gauze out of my THROAT, and it just kept on coming.

      Sorry to leave soggy-sinus-gauze all over your blog.

      April 21st, 2008 at 7:30 pm

    14. aka Alice says:

      OMG – hysterically funny…

      Why do men decide to have meaningful conversations at the most inopportune moments? Mine likes to ask me questions when I’m in the shower, or on the toilet…WHY?????

      April 21st, 2008 at 10:21 pm

    15. anon. says:

      I’ll see your neti pot and …

      After 3 unsuccessful sinus surgeries my mother found a specialist who told her to buy an electric waterpik, fill it with warm saline solution and irrigate her sinuses. That’s right, up the nose, curved part pointing toward your ear, and inhale. Gross but very effective! She was cured. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

      April 22nd, 2008 at 7:49 am

    16. Barb says:

      I love reading your blog and I was tagged and so now I am tagging you…hope you want to play along..if not no big deal.

      April 22nd, 2008 at 8:42 am

    17. autumn dahlia says:

      Oh yea… I’ve done some blogging on the lovely sinuses and you wouldn’t believe what kind of stuff you can fit in those things. It could be an extra carry-on next time you fly.

      April 22nd, 2008 at 11:49 am

    18. Sarah the Spunky Mommy says:

      Hi! I tagged you to do a new “Lemonade Meme” You’re it!

      April 22nd, 2008 at 12:31 pm

    19. Amy says:

      My only question would be: did you rip the tree out of the ground before you took it to Home Depot and cut it, or did you just use Depot stock?

      April 22nd, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    20. Izzy says:

      Don’t worry, Mr.MommyNeedsACocktail, I’m coming with my shovel!

      Is it too late?

      That netipot thing just looks so gross, but my husband loves it. Ever since his nose surgery and having to irrigate.. ick. *shudders*

      April 23rd, 2008 at 5:07 am

    21. Kris says:

      I hope you planted a nice rose bush on his grave. It will be less obvious to the authorities that way when they come looking for him in a few days.

      Dude, time to get off the ‘roids.

      April 23rd, 2008 at 1:52 pm

    22. Occidental Girl says:

      Ohhh, honey, you are funny! I love your husband’s sense of timing with his questions. I know you’ll miss him. 🙂

      April 25th, 2008 at 8:37 am

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