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    The crash that is the end of your steroids cycle

    April 22, 2008

    I have been wondering for the last 4 days if a side effect of steroids is insomnia.  Do you think it would kill me to read the pamphlet?  Yes.  Yes, it would.  I firmly believe that if I opened up that piece of paper folded 700 times so that it fits in the palm of The Baby’s hand, it would kill me.  So feel free to flood the comments with your knowledge.

    I ask about this insomnia because last night I didn’t have it.  The only problem?  I had two kids that got up.  The Boy got up because he apparently hadn’t reached his 50,000 word count for the day yet, or maybe he was getting a jump on today?

    TB:  Mom.  Mom.  Mom.  I’m thirsty.

    If I lie here very still, maybe he’ll go away.

    TB:  Mom.  Mom.  Mom.  I want some water.  ACTUALLY, I want some milk.

    Possom isn’t working for me.  He’s still standing there, approximately 2 inches from my face.

    TB:  Mom.  Mom.  Mom.  I really NEED some water.

    Do you know what I have to say about this?  You can see it coming.  If you can make an entire dinner for your family of four, to include making homemade pasta and sauce, explain to me why I need to get up from a deep sleep and get you a damn glass of water?  Seriously?  You have been getting your own water since you were 18 months old.  It’s like the only “test” you have passed at school.  You really don’t need me.  Even remotely.  But I got up to get the water.  He finished, climbed into my bed and settled himself in for the long haul.  Except I am so over sharing the bed with The Toaster Oven Who Sleeps In the Middle But Doesn’t Want Any Covers To Touch Him So He Kicks Everything To The Bottom of The Bed So Everyone Else Is Cold. 

    K:  Um, this isn’t your bed.  OUT.
    TB:  OH-kay, mom.

    We trudged down the hall to his room because you know he can’t go to bed by himself so now I have to lie there until he falls asleep or I cover his head with a pillow.  KIDDING!  Then The Baby starts to cry because all the kid wants is a little peace and quiet and his brother is YELLING about the situation with the covers and sheet on his bed and would it really kill HIM to use an indoor voice at 2 a.m?  Apparently, yes.  Yes, it would kill him.  So I go in to soothe The Baby because he is moaning “Mamamamamamamamama” and then The Boy cries because I have left him.  45 minutes later and I am thinking that I have finally kicked the insomnia because now I am pretty sure I am falling asleep standing straight up. 

    Did I mention I’m in the basement right now? About to crawl into the bed that was mine before I commenced this lifelong journey we like to call Love, Marriage and Motherhood? The bastion of my singlehood. MY bed.

    Gotta fall asleep quick because it’s only a matter of time before someone finds me. I give it an hour.

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    1. Michelle says:

      And I thought I was the only person who had to sleep with The Toaster Oven Who (magically appears at 2 am and) Sleeps In the Middle But Doesn’t Want Any Covers To Touch Him So He Kicks Everything To The Bottom of The Bed So Everyone Else Is Cold.

      Think it’s a coincidence they’re both named Ethan?
      Thanks for the laugh!

      April 23rd, 2008 at 4:50 am

    2. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah says:

      I never even thought of hiding. Brilliant!

      April 23rd, 2008 at 5:33 am

    3. autumn dahlia says:

      Yupper, sure is a side effect! My MD tells me to take mine first thing in the morning to prevent it. And cut back on (gulp) caffeine.

      April 23rd, 2008 at 7:33 am

    4. Meg says:

      I’m with Sarah. Hiding = Good. I got alternately kicked and hit in the head last night by the three year old, who insists on arranging himself perpendicular to us in the middle of the king-size bed. I”m talking at a precise 90-degree angle. Like a big letter H. I dragged him back to his room. He came back. And did I mention that I went to bed a wee bit tipsy after a few beers watching the Caps LOSE??? Grrrr x 1,000.

      April 23rd, 2008 at 6:49 pm

    5. the mama bird diaries says:

      You are hilarious. I’ll never understand why a toddler who can do things perfectly well on her own during the DAY can’t manage one thing in the middle of the NIGHT.

      -signed another tired mama

      April 23rd, 2008 at 8:32 pm

    6. Manic Mommy says:

      My toaster oven perspires enough to soak the pillowcase – and must sleep cheek to cheek with me. On my pillow.

      April 24th, 2008 at 6:54 am

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