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    What’s a little milk stain among Sharpie drawings, pee and ground-in playdoh?

    March 14, 2008

    My husband is a saint.

    Anyone who reads this blog realizes that.  Can you imagine being married to me?  It’ll be 2 in the morning and I will bolt out of bed, run down the stairs and make magnets.  Read email while The Boy takes a bowl filled to the BRIM with milk and cheerios up the stairs, except by the time he gets upstairs, there is no milk and cheerios in the bowl.

    D:  WHAT is going on here?
    K:  (reading email) Huh?
    D:  There is a trail of milk all the way up the stairs and down the hall.
    K:  (thinking good for The Boy to at least keep the cheerios in the bowl)  Really?
    D:  And there is a puddle of milk here on the counter.
    K:  (glaring at The Boy because despite it being HIS bad behavior, I’m getting chewed out for my failure to pay attention).  I already cleaned up one puddle.  There is another one?
    D:  Didn’t you know what he was doing?

    Of course I knew what he was doing.  But I am determined to make the Number One Parenting Mistake.  Inconsistency.  That’s me.  I told him 7 times that he couldn’t take a bowl of cereal upstairs to eat in his bed.  I cleaned up the first mess.  I told him to sit down to eat.

    and then I gave up.  Because he doesn’t listen to me.  Because I have passed (from my gina-saur–thanks Cake Lady for that one) myself.  I don’t know how all of you people who have known me all of my life or who have been forced to ride in a car with me in the early hours of the day when I c-a-n-n-o-t-s-h-u-t-t-h-e-h-e-l-l-u-p did not ever beat my incessantly talking mouth.  I am exhausting.  Alway have been.  No caffeine, no sugar, doesn’t matter.  And now I am getting it back in spades.  I do NOT want a closing argument intended to sway me to see your most ridiculous side.  I am TIRED, people.  I am TIRED of listening to the 30 minute explanation for WHY I should allow you to take a bowl of cereal up to bed.  Tired.  Tired.  Did I mention I was tired? 

    I just want to check my email.  I just want to respond to my email.  I just want to be at some small point where I feel like I am caught up on work or at least the end is in sight. 

    Maybe my goal should be to see the end of toddlerdom in sight.  Oh, wait.  The Baby just toddled by with a dinner plate and a full set of utensils.  That light at the end of the tunnel?  We call that a mirage. 

    (live near clifton, VA?  They are having their annual Spring Scavenger Hunt tomorrow at noon.  The Easter Bunny will be there.  I am TOTALLY sitting on his lap for a picture.  I hope I don’t break his leg…)

    8 Comments »

    1. Vicky says:

      My kid is so NOT an angel. She was pure hellfire when we got home. She has perfected her evil laugh now.

      Gift baskets for Brangelina et al? YOU WILL BE ON OPRAH.

      Thanks for the killer t today by the way. LOVE IT.

      March 14th, 2008 at 5:45 pm

    2. RaeAnn Collins says:

      hey there… you’re it! I have a blog game for you to play if you want — read mine and consider yourself tagged. :-D
      rae

      March 14th, 2008 at 8:19 pm

    3. beergirl says:

      Okay, you made me laugh OUT LOUD again today/tonight…whatever time it is!! OMG, this is too funny. It’s just as I would imagine myself as a mom, but I’m CRAZY and afraid my kids would spend YEARS in therapy because I’m a neurotic bitch!!
      Thanks for making me laugh…YOU can rest when you’re OLD!!!

      March 14th, 2008 at 9:13 pm

    4. beergirl says:

      STFU!!! Are you serious??? Are you really getting your stuff in to the BIG GIRLS???? Well…It was nice knowing you when…you’ll NEVER have to work the CRAZY Bazaars and Expos again…remember to mention us little people when you’re interviewed on the OPRAH and the like. Still you’re kids WON’T be impressed unless you have Bob the Builder or DORA the Hora come to your house…hahaha – so…Good luck with that.

      March 14th, 2008 at 9:24 pm

    5. Bridget says:

      You described me, and the looks my husband gives me, to a T. I am such a slacker mom. I just want 5 minutes of peace and quiet to read my freakin’ email w/o someone stripping, climbing the fridge and eating marshmallows on top of it, peeing on the floor or anwering the door naked. Just.5.Minutes.

      March 15th, 2008 at 7:24 pm

    6. Sus says:

      Oh, I totally have to step it up and look as if I’m paying attention to the kids when I hear my husband put up the garage door at 5:25, signaling that he is home and now I have to be accountable. I’ve definitely read – I’m SURE I’ve read – that it is not only unrealistic but actually unhealthy for us to be entertaining our children all the time. It stifles them. Kudos to us for not stifling the next generation.

      March 17th, 2008 at 7:04 pm

    7. Carl says:

      For some reason I am reminded of Madeline Kahn singing in “Blazing Saddles”:

      I’m tired,
      Tired of playing the game
      Ain’t it a crying shame
      I’m so tired
      God dammit I’m exhausted.

      March 23rd, 2008 at 5:18 pm

    8. Kit says:

      Toddlers exist to test our patience. That is why consistency is so difficult to achieve with them. They never let up!
      Really enjoy your blog; can totally relate :)

      June 23rd, 2013 at 1:16 pm

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