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    Half-Assed Parenting Tip #3: If you are going to give directions, you may as well give them all

    February 1, 2008

    The Baby won’t crawl down the stairs.  The other day I heard him heckling me from the second story.  When I came around the corner, there he was standing at the top of the stairs with one leg hovering over as he was getting ready to step down.  This is logical, of course, because he’s been walking all of 20 minutes.  I, for the MILLIONTH time, told him to “turn around, feet first.”  I came to the top of the stairs and turned him around and put his feet first.  He screamed, locked up his legs, turned around and lunged for my neck.  Lazy little bastard.  He just won’t come down the stairs.  It’s not difficult, but he refuses to learn.  Fastforward a few days later.

    We are all piled on the bed yesterday.  The Husband was already gone and the kids were clammering to get up.  I was clammering for five more minutes sleep.  Times about a thousand. 

    They start playing this game where they are chasing each other over the mountain.  The mountain being my ass that is clearly the highest place on the bed.  Over, over, over, over.  They are hysterically laughing.  I’m torn between deciding if I am going to wake up and tickle them until they throw up or sleep another 5 minutes.  I mean, once you get out of that bed, it’s over. 

    Suddenly I hear The Boy pop down off the bed and jump into the rocker in the corner. 

    The Boy:  I’m rocking.

    K:  That’s great, Eat.

    I open my eyes to see that The Baby has decided to follow his brother off the bed.  But here’s the thing.  He’s trying to figure out how to to get me to put him over the side of the bed and onto the floor.  I find this annoying. 

    K:  If you want to get off the bed, turn around and put your feet fir…

    He flips around before I can finish the sentence and goes feet first off the bed.  The very, very high bed.  He lands with a thud and I lean over the bed to see how he is doing on the carpet below.  He’s lying flat on his back and he is PISSED. 

    K:  Like I was saying, Feet first and “HOLD ONTO THE BLANKET to slow you down.”

    Funny me.  I thought I had at least 2 months to drill this into his head before he did it.  Oh, well. 

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    1. tvtown says:

      Leila took her first crawl steps this afternoon…I’m fully expecting her to mix me a manhattan when I get home from work tonight.

      February 1st, 2008 at 3:57 pm

    2. babybrewing says:

      congratulations!!!! Baby’s all growed up.

      February 1st, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    3. Ask Wifey says:

      I get all of the directions out, about fifteen times a day, and they still don’t listen!

      Oh, and, I love the Mommy Needs A Cocktail Parties idea. You should definitely do it.

      February 1st, 2008 at 6:28 pm

    4. Bellamomma says:

      THAT’s who taught the Noodle to get off my bed … and out of her crib. All in one week.

      Freakin kids growing up so damn fast it’s not even funny.

      February 1st, 2008 at 7:37 pm

    5. Amy says:

      One would think that children becoming more mobile would be a great thing for your lower back … but I’ve spent time with your kids (plus our neighbor’s kids and my own nieces and nephew) and I KNOW this isn’t the case. Though I do think The Baby is really good about taking his lumps. He’ll be fine.

      February 2nd, 2008 at 1:17 pm

    6. Amy S. says:


      Gotta give the kid credit for trying.

      February 2nd, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    7. Burgh Baby's Mom says:

      Well, he got down. At least he’s got that part down.

      February 2nd, 2008 at 4:59 pm

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