you were hoping for the dirt. I know you were. And believe you me. I thought I had it in me. I WANNA tell you about the poor behavior and the prima”donna”s that were too busy to come to every room to pick up their free crap so they sent their assistants around to collect the loot. I wanna tell you about the 90’s teenybopper superstar who never made it to our end of the hall because he was hammered in the Canada Dry room. I’m assuming there was liquor in the Canada Dry room because I have never gotten hammered from ginger ale. And had I know there was a little somethin’ somethin’ down in the Canada Dry room, I may have tried to crash the party like I crashed that prom in Atlanta one year. I want to tell you about the actress that actually sneered at me. Or the person that was shopping for presents for her sister’s bartender’s mother’s hairdresser. I do. I’m a blogger first, right? Yeah, well, since I had to practically sell the children to make this happen, you will all be left wondering WHO will be on Santa’s naughty list and who will be on the nice list. If it makes you feel any better, there were 300 nice people and about 4 or 5 crappy people. OK, maybe 6 or 7. Or does that make you feel worse? Would you rather there be more bad behavior? Hmm….
There are more pictures and they are coming. They are just on my sister’s camera. I met SO MANY fantastic people last weekend. Genuine, real people. I was horrible. What a time hog. You know me. Chat, chat, chat, chat. Telling stories about The Boy and The Baby. About drinking caffeine on the plane on the way out to LA and now The Baby hasn’t slept for 2 days. About making shirts in my basement (“Oh, I thought that was just your story. You actually MAKE the shirts in the basement?”). Yes, I make shirts in my basement. Oh, and here’s your swag. A Mommy Needs a Cocktail tank in a clear cocktail shaker. I know, how cute.
The soap stars were very gracious about my bio which stated I needed to start a business so I would stop watching soaps. Oops. Clearly I was not represented by PR at this event. I didn’t take enough pictures. I was weirded out by all the “and tell your director that you won’t go on the set without your designer socks that you got here at the Boom Boom Baby Room” and all of that. Stars asked if I wanted to have a picture. Lots of the time I said “No.” After a while I did take pictures because I knew I would never remember everyone I met. My God, I can’t even remember what I ate for breakfast this morning. How the hell will I remember this? And I want those memories. I want to remember Chandra Wilson’s face when I handed her the cocktail shaker and her response. “Cause Mama DO need a cocktail.” There is no picture, so now I will remember it here.
I met so many people that, when I said, “How are you?” they said, “oh, I’m nobody. I’m just WITH so-and-so.” I didn’t say, “WHO are you? I said, HOW are you? You are NOT nobody. You are somebody!!” That crap pisses me off. 10 minutes later and the “somebody” approaches us as we collective nobodies are chatting up the place.
“Oh, I guess this swag is for you,” as I handed the shirt to Miss Popularity and then turned right back to my conversation about nursing or teething or lack of sleep with the dedicated, sweet, loving, fun assistant/spouse/sister/friend. As they walked away, I tucked an extra MNAC shirt into the bag–“YOU really need this more. This one is for you.”
Cause Mommy do need a cocktail. Even if she isn’t a movie star…