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    If you wanted to rob a house in the hood, tonight would be a good night.

    January 26, 2008

    Tonight was the Home Owner’s Association meeting for the neighborhood.  Coming from living in a condo at one point, I LAUGH at the anticipated trepidation that everyone approaches these meetings.  I mean, short of being part of a HOA for a condo in FLORIDA, I’ve seen it all.  Really.

    Except the problem here is that the rules all changed right before we moved.  And frankly, The Husband is a little cranky about it.  So, hi, ho, hi, ho, it’s off to the meeting we go.

    We took the kids.  Someone asked what we were going to do with the kids.  I said that we had thought about leaving them home alone but that is frowned upon by Protective Services.

    So we took the kids to one of the most pristine houses in our neighborhood.  Pristine.   Pristine.  Gorgeous decorated glass eggs on window sills.  Window sills that were approximately 8 inches off the ground.  The Boy was clever enough to take his shoes off when we showed up but once he realized his lovah Harrison was there, they ran around screaming like lunatics.  Two little Liberace’s on the piano.  The Baby?  Desperately trying to maim himself on the fireplace. Or climb the stairs, or maim himself on the fireplace. 

    So now I’m looking like the crappy mother because my children are out of control.  There are two kids, and apparently two parents are not enough for two kids. But I’m too busy making new drinking friends, gossiping and speaking ill of Hollywood stars who have their assistant pick up the free stuff because they are too tired to come into the gifting suite to get the free stuff they are getting.  The Husband keeps handing me The Baby and I keep putting The Baby on the floor.  This goes over as well as expected.  The Boy is eating chocolate cake (WTH?????????????) with a spoon which means that there is more chocolate cake on the floor than in his mouth.  Me?  Talking about drinking.  Good Lord.

    I finally took the kids and came home.  I left Danyelle to babysit the husband.  As I was leaving, I passed Mr. Cranky Pants “Your Fence Is Ugly and I Don’t Want it to be Associated With My Property Line.”  I waved hello and gave The Husband the look of death.  I then told Danyelle that if she let The Husband speak, I would never speak to her again.

    I figure we’ll be outcasts in, oh, about another 45 minutes.  I’m gonna go to bed now.

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    1. Mahala says:

      Hey I strive to become an outcast in this rinky dink little town. The last thing I need are toothless hillfolk banging on the trailer door at 2am.

      January 27th, 2008 at 8:35 am

    2. Patti says:

      What self respecting HOA has a meeting on a Saturday night??? Don’t they know people have lives and should be out socializing on Saturday night? My therory about people who are one the HOA board are that they are all those kids in HS who lost the Student Council elections and now they are out for revenge. Oh, and if The Boy was gonna eat chocolate cake, I hope the pristine house had white carpeting!!

      January 27th, 2008 at 8:36 am

    3. Manic Mommy says:

      So you left him at the HOA party (just calling a spade a spade). Thus explaining your earlier Hillary/Condom Tweets.

      January 27th, 2008 at 11:53 am

    4. Pamela says:

      Just found your blog today and I just have to say as if you don’t already know-You are hilarious!!! Thanx for a good read!

      July 10th, 2008 at 3:40 pm

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