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    Here’s to hoping that living off the grid will prove lucrative

    January 29, 2008

    My husband.  He kills me.  He’s all, “let’s live off the land, and make our own food and have chickens.”

    I would like to maintain I knew NOTHING of this bizarreness when I married him.  Before him?  Dated venture capitalists and VP’s of health insurance companies and television directors. 

    Then I succeeded in nabbing my brilliant husband in law school.  Which should have been my first red flag.  But if you personally are a red flag, you tend not to notice other red flags.  We marry.  We have a child.  He loses his mind and begins to squirrel away 50 pound bags of rice in the basement. 

    We proceed to move into a neighboorhood that is riddled with deer that would LOVE for us to garden and the chickens?  Three letters for you.  HOA.  No chickens.  None.  Not a one.

    So he continues to get books about windmills and solar energy and then I get the first electric bill and it’s about 20 cents.  He gets depressed because he needed it to be about $700 a month to justify putting up a windmill in the middle of 3 acres of trees.  Or solar panels in the middle of 3 acres of trees.

    I go on my merry way.  I bust my ass making t-shirts in the basement.  Up all day with the kids, up all night with the printing press.  I fly to the West Coast to give my shirts away to people that don’t even stick around to here my clever little schtick.  Nothing.  I come home.  I kiss a ridiculous number of asses in order to promote my stuff.  I give away MORE free stuff in hopes that MORE people will buy stuff.  I think that maybe, just maybe, I can pay the bills this month.

    Then my husband posts his disaster preparedness tome on the internet today on one of his blogs.  He hears from the editor of the LARGEST ONLINE SURVIVAL BLOG mere hours later.  A blog that makes Celebrity Baby Blog’s traffic look like my traffic.  His disaster preparedness tome will be cited on that BIG ASS BLOG tomorrow morning.

    Only 11 hours to figure out how to market Mommy Needs a Cocktail shirts to the End of the World crowd.  Because when it all goes to hell in a handbasket, Mommy’s gonna need a cocktail.  You know it. 

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    1. Bellamomma says:

      “Mommy needed a cocktail … wound up with a hunting rifle.”

      “They blew my house up & all I got was this damned t-shirt & a shot glass”

      “Mommy needs some Moonshine”

      January 29th, 2008 at 7:22 pm

    2. Trena says:

      It’s the end of the world as we know it and Mommy Needs A Cocktail.

      Catchy, I know!

      January 29th, 2008 at 8:26 pm

    3. Jennifer/The Word Cellar says:

      How about “Mommy Needs a Composter”? Not quite the right crowd, perhaps…

      January 29th, 2008 at 11:32 pm

    4. Occidental Girl says:

      Okay, can we talk? I had a Joan Rivers moment because my husband and your husband have a lot in damn common! Except for the law school part.

      I’m not even going to tell you about how there’s a box of worms eating newspaper shreds in a box under our house because someone put them there ON PURPOSE.

      Yeah. Somebody needs a cocktail in this house and it’s ME. 🙂

      I don’t care who has bigger stats, you rock.

      January 30th, 2008 at 12:18 am

    5. tvtown says:

      My disaster preparedness plan consists of clearing a path in the backyard to walk to the Glen Rock Inn…I’d imagine they’d carry over their football bar specials for some sort of armageddon event.

      Don’t panic…watch channel 5 and see them panic!

      January 30th, 2008 at 2:34 am

    6. Kimberly says:

      OMG we have GOT to have you guys over for dinner!!!

      January 30th, 2008 at 4:45 am

    7. ks says:

      please post your husband’s link.

      January 30th, 2008 at 7:40 am

    8. Manic Mommy says:

      Dude, the 2nd to last line of your post is a t-shirt in itself. I’d buy it.

      January 30th, 2008 at 8:06 am

    9. John says:

      There is an interesting crossover going on between some of the survival thinking and some of the green thinking. Survivalist want a windmill because a disaster or peak oil could wipe out the grid, greens want it to get off of oil. Of course issues like hunting can lead to disagreements but most survivalists are into sustainable hunting.

      Mommy needs a cocktail stockpile.

      January 30th, 2008 at 8:08 am

    10. Mahala says:

      Just put a pith helmet on your existing graphic with, “Cocktails make the Bomb Shelter Cheery.”

      Or something.

      January 30th, 2008 at 8:45 am

    11. Amy says:

      “Mommy Needs an Organic Beer”

      They make organic beer, right?

      January 30th, 2008 at 10:21 am

    12. trena says:

      okay, so I found it (both the big mega-survival blog and your husband’s blog) and um,….wow.

      I’m all into being provident and all, but yeah, I’d say if your husband’s following the suggestions he puts out there, you’ll all definitely be living high on the hog should something bad happen.

      Or as he puts it, …WTSHTF (hee)

      January 30th, 2008 at 10:55 am

    13. Marel says:

      It’s all your fault . . . you had to marry someone so brilliant. heehee

      In all seriousness though . . . I want to put up a windmill and solar panels on our little homestead. haha How much should my electric be in order for it to be worth it?

      The compost is on its way to the house now.

      And, I’m working on smuggling chickens into Long Island even as I type.

      Now, where is that damn link?

      January 30th, 2008 at 11:44 am

    14. Phoenix says:

      I think your last sentence will make a great shirt.

      January 30th, 2008 at 11:46 am

    15. Carl says:

      Getting off the grid, huh? I like the idea.

      Have you considered new material for your shirts? Something in camo perhaps?

      January 30th, 2008 at 7:50 pm

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