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    So…when DO I get the pony?

    December 16, 2007

    My husband HATES it when I roll out stuff before it’s ready.  The lighting is crap on this picture but I just had to share.  Instead of printing a shirt for Jayne, like I am supposed to be doing right now, I printed up one of these.  So when do I get the pony?

    Only because it the cutest thing I have every seen.  Damn these boys I have.  Writing is in SILVER GLITTER.  It looks a little gold in the picture.  But it’s all silver.  Long-sleeve shirt available in red or white.  The periods?  They are hearts!!!  I can’t stand it.  It’s so cute.  It’s available in 3-6 months, 6-12 months, 12-18 months, 2T, 4T and size 6.  Kids will be $14.  This is the baby neckline and then the kids neckline is the same as the Santa shirt.

    Also available in womens sizes too.  Cause I really want to wear one.   They won’t be up at Baby Brewing until the end of the week.  If you really want one this week, email me at babybrewing (at) gmail (dot) come and put pony in the subject line.  We’ll work something out.  Tvtown, this one is size 6-12.  I’m just saying….

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    A sign of things to come

    December 15, 2007

    The neighborhood was filled with kids and one by one, the big wheels began to disappear. First it was the big wheels from the house on the corner. Then the house next door. Accusations were made. Children interrogated. Someone finally accused a neighbor’s two sons of taking the big wheels. It did look a little suspicious that her kids still had their big wheels when everyone else’s was missing. She was mortified and affronted. She said it was absurd.

    Until she opened the door to her shed and found a veritable big wheels chop shop. A big wheels graveyard, if you will. Parts had been meticulously removed from one big wheel and placed on another. Tools were strewn everywhere. Stickers had been removed. The VIN of the big wheel obliterated.

    Her sons were 3 and 4 years old.

    Every time she told this story, we laughed, laughed, laughed. How funny that a 3 year old and 4 year old could be so clever. Ha. Ha. Ha.

    Ha. Ha. Ha. Yesterday I came into the kitchen to find The Boy and The Baby huddled in the middle of the floor, eating blackberries as fast as they could. They were eating them so fast because they knew they weren’t supposed to have them due to Purple Butt Syndrome for one and diaper specifications and limitations for the other. When I asked how they got them, The Boy described in great detail how he climbed up on the counter and knocked the container off the counter because he knew it was too big to carry safely as he crawled back down from the counter. He had then promptly joined his brother on the floor for the feeding frenzy.

    They are 10 months old and 2 years, 10 months old. Ha. Ha. Ha.

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    Marelle is lookin’ out for all y’all

    December 12, 2007

    I looked down at the caller i.d. today as I pulled the heater over to cure a shirt.

    Damn her. Doesn’t she have a real job that she should be doing?

    Marelle: Are you okay?
    K: What the hell does that mean?
    M: I mean, you haven’t posted the winners of the contest yet so I thought that maybe you were sick or injured or something was wrong with you.
    K: Um, I go TWENTY HOURS A DAY. I’m making a shirt right now for Alison. Alison who has had to wait two weeks because God forbid American Apparel send me those damn navy blue long sleeve tees.
    M: Oh, well I just was SURE that something had happened to you to explain why you are so late posting the results to the contest. I’m not saying that I’m gonna win or anything but I’m just saying…. I felt like it was my duty to call you. I mean, for the internet’s sake.
    K: You are calling me for the internet’s sake?
    M: Well, who else has your phone number?
    K: So you are calling for all of the internet to see if I am okay since I failed to post the results to the contest yet? You are doing the internet a favor? Because you have my phone number?
    M: Exactly. Call it my contribution. I mean, I’m sure everyone else is worried about you too.
    K: Because all of my references to never getting sleep would suggest that I am slacking?
    M: Well?
    K: I’m hanging up now before I climb through the phone and kill you.
    M: So you are gonna post those results now?

    Yes. Yes, I am.

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    Is my slip showing?

    December 10, 2007

    HA! The last time I wore a slip was in the 7th grade. Princess Di had nothin’ on me. But I feel like I am forgetting something major. Like maybe I forgot to pay the mortgage? The preschool bill? Lord, I hope it wasn’t the preschool bill because if I have to watch both these kids all day you may as well just save time and send protective services over here right now.

    I’m gonna whine. Here it comes. I feel so bad about it too. You know how you read those blogs and it’s the same crappy story every single day. Every. single. day. Well that’s my friggin’ life. When someone I love apologizes about not reading my blog in a long time, I laugh. Same story, different part of the house nearly being burnt to the ground. You ain’t missin’ NOTHING if you miss a month here. Life at Chateau Cookie is just like a soap. The only thing changing over here is who is sleeping in whose bed.

    For instance, The Husband fell asleep with The Boy last night. I put The Baby to bed. The Husband woke up to bring The Baby for me to feed because he was screaming maniacally. In my defense, I was so exhausted that I never heard him. So here we are in bed. The three of us. Until The Boy wakes up and realizes that he is alone. He screams maniacally and then The Husband puts brings him to bed with us. So now we are all in bed together. The Husband, who has clearly established HIS SIDE/HALF of the bed, The Boy, sleeping diagonally, The Baby, who can’t stand to be touched and me, on 3 inches of bed.

    So I get up and put The Baby back in his bed but he isn’t having any part of that. So I take him back out and we get in The Boy’s bed. But now The Baby is up for the day (at 4 am) and so I turn on the light, hand him a book and let him read to himself and basically crawl all over me for an hour. Then I give up and come downstairs to Twitter about my bitterness. I like to think Twitter is absorbing about 90% of my whining. That’s good, right?

    I have to go.  I left The Boy unattended for 3 seconds with a pair of scissors and now there is a gaping hole in the size of my tree that is approximately 2 feet by 2 feet.  Determined to view the glass as half full, there are enough branches from the tree massacre to make three wreaths for the doors and now there is a place to put a wagon (or an economy sized car) under the tree.

    Maybe there is a Pious in my future???  And don’t forget to add your last minute ideas to the contest.  It’s over at noon today.  EST.

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    Look at what a great job you all did

    December 9, 2007

    It ain’t easy being queasyDesignated Driver Maternity TeePat the belly.  I dare you.Nothing says I love you like an epiduralYour honor student did thisAre my shoes tied?I don’t care how long you were in laborMommy Wants a Cocktail and a couple of old faithfuls….The kid’s hope it’s a puppyBaby Brewing Maternity TeeBabies Brewing Maternity Tee  All on sale now at Baby Brewing for twenty buck.  Twenty buck is a good deal.  Now go out and tell all your pregnant friends significant others.  I’m sure I needed to put a few apostrophes in there somewhere but I’m too tired to figure it out.  Feel free to advise me in the comments. 

     Aren’t you so excited about the baby/kid contest?  Go over.  There is still time to share your brilliance.  You have until tomorrow (Monday) at noon.  Be clever. 

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    So I guess a little somethin’ somethin’ with the Direct TV guy is out of the question

    December 6, 2007

    The Boy has always been a great little party trick. Our favorite little game to play when he first learned to talk was this:

    K: Ethan, who is your favorite?
    The Boy: DAD!!

    The women in the crowd would gasp. The men would laugh.

    K: Ethan, who loves you more?
    The Boy: DAD!!!

    Never were untruer words spoken. I have had to tell my husband every day since the day that child was born that if, in a flash flood, he saved me and not The Boy, I would never speak to him again. Not only would I never speak to him again, I would kill him. And he had better die trying.

    That being said, back to the game.

    K: Ethan, who should change your stinky diaper?
    The Boy: DAD!!!

    Cha-Ching!! Everyone would laugh and I would once again not have to change the foulness that was riding around in his pants. It was brilliant. We laughed, we cried, it was better than Cats!

    Since then, he has gotten more entertaining. He’ll repeat just about anything and he has a brilliant sense of timing. Like the other day in the car when someone cut me off and as I groaned under my breath, he said, under his breath, “f#@$ing moron.” Oh, dear.

    So The Boy wasn’t around when the Direct TV guy showed up the other day to fix the cable that my husband so delicately tripped over and ripped out of the wall of the house. There we were, the Direct TV guy and me, standing in front of the t.v. arguing about satellites when Eat walked around the corner.

    The Direct TV Guy: Hey, there, buddy. How are you?
    The Boy: My dad is at work. But he’s coming home soon.

    And then he did the unimaginable. He pointed to his eyes and then he pointed to the guy.

    The Boy: I’ve got my eyes on YOU.

    We have GOT to stop watching HBO shows.

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