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    It appears that Preschool has jumped the shark

    November 8, 2007

    Oh, come on. You knew with the impending strike that there would have to be at least one t.v. analogy.

    Growing up, we weren’t allowed to wear makeup. I think we weren’t supposed to wear it until we were like 15 or something. It was my mom’s attempt to keep us from becoming hussies (no comments from the peanut gallery necessary, Husband). I used to sneak mood lipstick in the 8th grade but I always got busted.

    Then something happened. I remember my mom trying to take a picture at Christmas of the 4 girls years later and she said, “You girls should put on a little lipstick.”

    Sorry, Mom, but that ship has sailed. I’ll bet we don’t have $40 worth of makeup between the four of us now. I take that back. Kate might have some good stuff. But we really don’t care. I always say it was because we had to wait too long. By then it was too late. Makeup itself had jumped the shark.

    I’m having a makeup experience right now.

    I’m on my fourth email. They started out pretty innocuous.

    Dear Kristen,
    Please sign up for your parent-teacher conference on Friday. We can’t WAIT to tell you how The Boy is doing.

    They progressed.

    Dear Kristen,

    Well, if you are gonna watch both my kids so I can talk to you about school, then ANYTIME is convenient for me.  Since I have to schlep them both along, let’s dispense with using the word “convenient,” okay?

    Now they are seeming a little panicked, like I might be attempting to blow the whole thing off.

    Dear Kristen,
    We noticed you haven’t signed up for a time slot. Please give us a CALL!!

    I don’t even know what the last email said because I didn’t open it.

    Here it comes, Internet. Parent-Teacher conferences are tomorrow and I’m still not signed up. Before you FREAK OUT on me, I’m going. Honest, Mom, I’m gonna go. I just think it’s a little sheisty that the whole place is set up to keep you wondering what the hell is going on and then they are all, “you’d better get here quick.”

    School policy: You can’t observe the class until November. It’s better for the children to be able to get into a routine.

    Then there is drop off and pick up. It’s great in a downpour, but because of it, I haven’t met one person. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not looking for a BFF but it would be nice to find someone to carpool with so that I’m getting a little more than 30 seconds in between drop off and pick up. My sister, the former preschool teacher, explained that this process is so the teachers never have to talk to the parents. Ever.

    But the kid is happy. Delirious. He comes home and obsessively pours a gallon of milk into a shot glass. Clearly pouring is in the curriculum. It’s not like I haven’t tried to find out what’s going on at school. I’ve asked The Boy but therein lies the problem. He is A BOY and he is TWO. What the hell can I get out of him? I have asked The Boy but he says things like, “I play with Denny.” It takes me two weeks to find out there is no Denny but there is a Danny. Is he talking about Danny? “NO, MOM. DENNY.”

    Notwithstanding the multiple notes sent to school about why he is coming home soaked in urine, and of course, that incident where they lost him, I have officially given up. For all the good that is going on at the school, they are clearly missing the communication factor with us. One of my friends asked me the other day what The Boy was doing at school and I may have responded that they could be running a crystal meth lab, for all I know.

    Or building a rocket, based on the crap he is muttering under his breath these days. Look, the kid has come home dry for the last 2 weeks, they haven’t lost him in at least 2 months and he is doing all these creepy mechanical things with his blocks. What more do I need to know?

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    1. Susan Getgood says:

      Get used to it. Not the over-anxious teachers, that will be spotty in the coming years. Some will be headcases, some will be great.

      Get used to having NO IDEA what your son is doing in school all day. The evening conversation goes something like this.

      Me: Hi How was school?
      Him (now 7): Good
      Me: What did you do?
      Him: Nothing
      Me: Nothing? How can that be?
      Him: I don’t remember. Can I watch TV?

      November 8th, 2007 at 8:53 am

    2. InterstellarLass says:

      Sadly, this will continue on throughout their entire school career. Unless you become some kind of volunteer and spend every minute up at the school, nosing your way in. And who has time for that?

      November 8th, 2007 at 8:56 am

    3. Amy says:

      Did your Mom ever know what you were doing when you were in school? Mine either. And she worked there!

      I’m sure he’s fine. I mean, really, what could go wrong?

      November 8th, 2007 at 9:30 am

    4. carolyn says:

      My 14 year old turns the radio up waaay loud when I ask her about school. She pretends to really love the music, but I suspect she is trying to drown me out. Luckily, my 12 year old son still shares. I take what I can get.

      November 8th, 2007 at 8:02 pm

    5. Kristin says:

      Pouring? Do I hear the familiar cry of the Montessori school?!

      As for school, well I have not a clue as to what my preschooler is up to… the 4th and 5th graders are sucking me dry with their academic/emotional needs and so as long as Eva comes home smiling, it’s all good.

      November 9th, 2007 at 7:06 am

    6. Manic Mommy says:

      Me: How was school?
      HRH: Good.
      Me: So what did you do today?
      HRH: I don’t remember.
      Me: Series of closed ended questions (“did you go to the activity room, did you have music, did you…”) until I or he sticks his head in the oven.

      November 9th, 2007 at 1:37 pm

    7. Marelle says:

      Whatever you do, pay attention even if you don’t think that they are talking to you. Because when the teacher has to repeat the question after you might say, “Who me? You talking to me?” It might feel a little embarrassing . . . I’m just saying! 🙂

      November 11th, 2007 at 11:03 am

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