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    Dear Santa, I can explain!!!

    November 28, 2007

    Dear Santa, I can explain!!!

    OMG, I think this is the funniest shirt I have ever made! I was torn between this picture and the one of him grabbing his crotch because he needed to pee. This one is probably better for commerce, right? And for mommy? WAIT. IT’S NOT JUST FOR MOMMY!!!! IT’S FOR ALL WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO for KRISTEN for not alienating the NON-MOTHER crowd.

    Dear Santa, Please Define Naughty

    Kid’s shirt, $15, Woman’s shirt, $20. I couldn’t figure out how to do a graduated discount for multiple purchases so just use the code WOOHOO to get 10% off your order of $30 or more.

    Shirts so comfy you will never want to take them off. Trust me, The Boy screamed bloody murder when I took his off after taking the picture.

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    Just a little somethin’ somethin’ from the mail bag

    November 27, 2007

    Dear Kristen,I don’t want to change my shirt this morning so I was wondering. Do you ever (ahem), well, do you ever wear your Mommy Needs a Cocktail shirt when you drop The Boy off at preschool?Signed,

    Afraid to Offend

    Dear Afraid to Offend,

    EVERY SINGLE DAY OF PRESCHOOL. Usually it’s less obvious since we have drop off/pick up but today we were so late I had to walk him into the building at the Baptist church that houses the Catholic preschool, wearing this in long sleeve form. I’m gonna say that’s an intentional foul, a double word score in the Game of Offensiveness. But like I always say, you can never have too many old ladies praying for you.

    Dear Kristen,

    I have noticed from the comments that your readership has increased significantly. I guess that is to be expected now that you have brought the girls out.

    Signed,

    I Was Just Noticing

    Dear I Was Just Noticing,

    What are you referring to in referencing my “girls?” Would that be my chest, breasts, melons, mamas, pillows, knockers, ta-tas, hooters, ect.? I’ll admit the cleavage in the trunk picture was a little out there, but I like to think everyone loves me for my wit. And thanks for doubling my numbers today because when I hit publish, the search engines are going to have a field day with this post.

    Dear Kristen,

    Why are you always complaining about your life? It just seems that you hate your husband, your in-laws, your kids.

    Signed,

    Get Over Yourself

    Dear Get Over Yourself,

    I notice an interesting genetic link to the groups you mentioned. Since I have only written about my in-laws like twice in the life of my blogs, I would have to say that you should just come in from the computer room and tell me that you want me to clean the DAMN kitchen rather than trying to send me anonymous emails. Now go put The Boy to bed.

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    Next he’ll be thinking that Santa Claus is Jesus

    November 26, 2007

    He’s slightly confused, to say the least.

    The Boy: Mom, what are you going to be for Christmas?
    K: Myself?
    The Boy: NO, Mom. What are you going to be?
    K: Ethan, Christmas isn’t like Halloween. You don’t dress up for it.
    The Boy: I do, Mom. Dad says.

    Well there you have it, people. I guess this conversation doesn’t need to continue.

    D: I’m gonna dress up like Santa, The Boy is going to be an Elf and The Baby is going to be a reindeer.
    The Boy: Mom. Mom. Mom. Is there going to be candy for Christmas?
    K: No. Well, technically, yes, but no. It’s not like Halloween. You don’t go trick or treating for Christmas.
    The Boy: So what are you going to be for Christmas, Mom?

    If Dad has his way, I’ll be wearing this. I’d like you to note the bust size of this outfit. I haven’t been a 34 since like the 6th grade. I’d like to think he was trying to butter me up by sending me the link for the size small, but you have got to be kidding.

    Now go on over and try to win the camera at Mommy Needs a Review. You don’t have to write a book. Just a few heartfelt lines would be good. Ok, Ok, I just need more comments so they keep sending me free crap to give away. So a comment today could be giving you a shot at winning an MP3 player tomorrow. I’m just saying.

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    Did you win? Huh???? DID YOU WIN??

    November 21, 2007

    I guess you are gonna have to go on over here to find out.  Cheap, I know, but who really clicks through links these days?  Will you be quicker to click through if you knew that even if you DIDN’T win the Baby Brewing Bump Contest, you could win one of these?  Stop whining and click through.  It’s free crap, for heaven’s sake.  And it’s all in one place so when you come back here, you never again have to worry about being blindsided by a Dawn dishwashing detergent review.  Aren’t you glad?

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    Do you think it is possible for your head to explode?

    November 20, 2007

    First of all, I love every single one of you. You people over there in the back? Yeah, you. You clever people who have entered the contest? I really, really love you. You are very clever and funny and I really like what you have done with your hair. It’s very Katie Holmes-Cruise. No, wait. That’s MY new haircut.

    Everything is piling up now. I just got invited to this crazy gig in L.A. in January (hello, my L.A. friends!!!) I’m getting ready to launch a new blog (don’t get excited. OK, you can get excited). In fact, I’m going to give away a free camera in honor of the launch so maybe you SHOULD get excited. Right now you are thinking, “she’s giving away a camera and I have been working my ass off for an Amazon.com gift card? Yes, that’s right. Keep working or I won’t give away the camera. You, over there, sitting in front of your computer screen. That Amazon.com gift certificate can most easily be regifted for your snotty sister-in-law. Think about it.  Not a dime out of your pocket.

    So put your thinking caps on.  For those of you who are generally offended by my wares, now is your time to clean up the joint a little.  Get cracking.

    I have to go “pay my husband back” for watching the kids all night while I worked.  It’s the least I can do.

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    Don’t knock good dental hygiene

    November 19, 2007

    The Boys fell asleep on the way home from dropping Nana off at the airport, and I had to wake them up to bring them into the house. One on each hip.  Notorious criers upon awakening, I think I was deaf by the time I hit the front door. What was on my mind? The comforting of my children? Hell, no. I was just trying to figure out the last time I had my teeth cleaned. They have that not so fresh feeling these days. Clearly it was before I was pregnant with The Baby, and then there was that 5 month stretch during pregnancy when I never brushed my teeth because tooth paste made me vomit, so I guess that means it has been about a year and a half.I’m well overdue. Don’t you think?

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