Oh, there is so much free stuff coming your way. You don’t even know it. Be honest. You just came by today to see if the chicken crossed the road before the dragon.

Here’s the deal. You can any one item you want from the Baby Brewing store. All you have to do is leave a comment for a chance to win. Hey, for all you people who think there is nothing for you over there, maybe you should go back and check. Just remember those travel mugs are coming really soon.

You don’t even need to be clever when you leave a comment. You just have to head on over to Baby Brewing and tell me in the comments BACK HERE what your favorite item is over there. And I’m not saying that telling me how beautiful I am is going to alter the randomness of the picking of the winner, but it will probably put you ahead of the game for the next giveaway. Mere days away from now. More free crap. Who knew?

When you are done rolling the dice here, head on over to the list of The Fall, Y’all Bloggy Giveaway to see what else you can win by just leaving comments. It’s off the hook. Marelle won’t be able to sleep for at least 4 days. Winner will be picked randomly on Saturday morning.

PS. Gonna be in Memphis this weekend. Anyone live in Memphis?

After The Great Halloween Outfit Argument of 2006, we got a little proactive this year. Not really proactive, per se. More like we bought the first two outfits we saw the first time we went into a retail establishment after the Halloween costumes were out. The Boy decided he was going to be a Dragon Tail which is actually a dragon. He, not unlike last year, put the outfit on in the middle of the store and went around biting people’s legs. I had to explain to him that dragons actually KISS people, not bite them.

God I love two year olds. They will believe ANYTHING.

I then casually threw a duck outfit on the counter by the register when my husband wasn’t looking. When he saw it, he got slightly annoyed.

D: What is THAT?
K: A duck.
D: What????
K: A duck. See the duck’s bill. Come on, don’t you think The Baby make a cute duck?
D: As long as The Boy is a dragon I guess I can tolerate The Baby as a duck.

Except that once The Boy found his old chicken costume, he has decided that it is going to be a foul, I mean fowl Halloween.

He is insisting that he wear his chicken costume again. In fact, he has been wearing it for the last week. Just randomly.

Oh, the squawking that’s gonna happen tomorrow night. Lord help me.

Recap of the party:  there was a moon bounce.  Need I say more?  Mommy loves her a moon bounce.  The food was not so bad and I forgot to put out the spoons but WOOHOO to all you people who either ate the chili or butternut squash soup with your hands or who went rummaging in my drawers.  It’s been a while since I’ve had a party so I was slightly off my game.  But who can argue with a party that ends with balancing 15 pound pumpkins on your head or screen printing t-shirts in the basement.  Now THAT is a good time.

Which led us to yesterday.  We are the only people I know that someone thinks it’s a good idea to cut down all the branches on all the trees in our own personal forest and then leave them on the only part of our property that is lawn.

We are also surrounded by people who moved to the forest to then care meticulously for the forest.  All 9,000 trees on every piece of property are products of loving care.  Every leaf–picked up and recycled in a quiet ceremony.

Hello, People.  Why in the HELL would you move to a treed lot if your purpose wasn’t to never do one bit of yard work again?  Apparently we didn’t get that memo when we moved.  And then we decided to compound it by having a family member who loves to trim but hates to police up the branches.  OK, there are two of us in this family but one of us was smart enough to realize that those branches aren’t picking themselves up so I say, “let ‘em all grow whichever way works for them.”  I say, “let the trees be trees.”

So after The Great Deforestation of 2007, our guests were able to appreciate that our property has more sunlight AND we could have about 30 bonfires with all the piles littering the lawn.

I found out that one of our neighbors that we love had expressed a little concern with the condition of our yard.

So few people like us.  Why do we have to torture them too?  I dragged the fam into the yard yesterday after our last guests left and we spent 5 hours picking up branches and having them magically disappear in a manner which I’m sure meets county code regulations.  Actually I spent 5 hours loading up the tractor and bringing piles to my husband while he occasionally complained that I wasn’t bringing the piles close enough to him and he was having to do more work by walking an extra 2 feet to get the branches.

My husband, however, is the king of multi-tasking.  He completed this feat while balancing a glass of beer in his hand.

Now how is that for talent?

There may have been an incident with unauthorized/last-minute ceiling painting and there may have been a slight “spill” on the carpet. Technically, the paint stain was 12 x 12. Crap. In order to cover up my paint spill on the floor, I needed to put my area rug down on top of the wall-to-wall.

K: Babe, have you seen the blue rug? (acting all casual and disinterested on the phone)
The Husband: (not even realizing deception was afoot) I think it’s down in the basement under the counter.

I ran downstairs and swung open the door. Eek! So the dog may have made the carpet his bed-away-from-his-bed across the room, and sure, everyone has an accident once in a while, but time had not made this situation better. I panicked. I dragged it upstairs and promptly shampooed it. Clean, but still smelling faintly of dog. Ironically, I had been waiting patiently for my Febreze sample to show up in the mail. The doorbell rang that instant and I’m not going to say I tried to kiss the mail carrier on the lips when he handed me the box which was clearly labeled “Febreze.” I’m just going to say it was a timely arrival. I called up my friend B.

K: Hey, the Febreze isn’t going to work. Remember that cross-country trip we took that one year with the dog and we had to get The Dog Room at the hotel? The Dog Room smelled like the prior occupant had smoked 7 packs of cigarettes in bed and then gave the dog a shower so that wet dog smell was permanently imprinted in the carpet. We went out and bought two bottles of Febreze and two bottles later it then smelled like fresh smelling cigarette butts and fresh smelling wet dog?
B: That was like 5 years ago. Febreze had come a long way. If there is hope for de-Zinnifying that rug, Febreze is your best bet.

I was skeptical when I got that little travel bottle, if I am going to be totally honest here. I needed a gallon of Febreze. Maybe I need to a 55 gallon drum of Febreze. But I took that little bottle and I shot 15 pumps of Febreze over the entire rug.

All I’m gonna say is that you wouldn’t even know I have a dog. Other than the fact that he has to be surgically removed from your feet if you are having rib eyes for dinner. You know he’s there then. I guess what I am saying is that the dog smell is gone from the rug. Gone from the dog bed after I sprayed it too. Gone from that spot in front of the back door. I sprayed the dog but he still smells like dog. Even Febreze has its limits.

I tried to talk The Husband into letting me go to the Martini Bar so that I could get see at the end of the night if Febreze could get that oh-so-smoky smell from my nice silk blouse. I thought this was necessary in order to make an accurate review of the product and not even remotely associated with the fact that I want to get away from my family. He said that if we got rid of the dog smell, a cigar would be a piece of cake.

Damn. It was worth a try.

Febreze To Go Extra Strength, 2.8 fluid ounces. Fresh, not flowery or overpowering. Gets rid of the dog smell. Next step, getting rid of the dog.

The Video…

The Husband thought he got it on Monday so he stayed home. Normally I like him at home. Monday? Not so much. He had a list of to-do items for me to do and none of them included my job, my other job and 2 hours of Overboard that I tivo’d from Saturday on TNT.

I endured, because I’m the good little Mrs., I mean, Ms. Oops I didn’t Take Your Name.

Then I got the call at 4 yesterday.

The Husband: I’m dry heaving. I think it’s because of the surgery.

That acid reflux surgery is tricky stuff. Apparently those who suffer from acid reflux will do just about anything to make it go away. To include having a surgery which makes it physically impossible for you to ever burp or vomit again.

When the doctor tells you that, you think, “Good. I don’t like throwing up anyway.”

Except when you have a stomach flu and the contents of your stomach now have to take the ultra long route out of your body.

Three hours round trip to pick him up last night in rush hour traffic because he didn’t think he could make it on the train. Then he was home today.

Twice in one week. It’s too much. Too much, I say. First of all, I had to alternate sleeping between the children last night because I’m about over this crap and I’m not nursing anyone back from death now. Everyone has had a chance to be the poor sick person and it is over. That ship has sailed. Or sunk, depending on how you look at it.

Which means I got to sleep with The Boy With Thirty Elbows. Sweet Jesus, could someone just let this kid Cry It Out and get it over with? Oh, that’s right. His crying it out means that no one sleeps in the house. Technicalities.

It also meant that Dad was The Ever Present Force in the house all. day. long.

The Boy: I don’t want to take a nap. I want to be with Dad.

Has anyone seen The Baby? I left him at his father’s feet only to find him 5 minutes later playing in his brother’s room upstairs. Apparently the dirty virus BLINDS you as well.

There was an incident where someone drove 1 1/2 hours in the rain to a doctor’s appointment that is on MONDAY.  Deserted office, three doctors present.  You think they could just take The Baby and give him his shots.  I mean, he hasn’t had any for at least two weeks.  But NO.  They kindly offered me an appointment 7  hours later.  Like I have nothing to do.  1 1/2 hours home.  I canceled Monday’s appointment.  Screw the vaccinations.  He’s had like 900 shots.  How many more can he possibly need?

The kids both screamed for an hour today. I don’t know why. I asked repeatedly and no one answered me. They just kept screaming. It was like a Scream Off. The Olympic sport of Screaming. ABC’s Wide World of Screaming.  I’m not going to say who deserved the gold but I may have dragged someone screaming out to the car with threats of going to the ER. He actually went apoplectic. Crazed. Psycho.  Then silent.  There is a God and he loves me.

What kind of mother threatens to take her child for elective stitches?

A berry, berry tired one.