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    I would just go lie down in traffic but since we moved to the country, I would have to wait a long time to get run over.

    August 21, 2007

    I. am. so. tired. I. could. have. a. nervous. breakdown.

    Luckily The Husband is so in touch with my feelings that he will rush right home, take both the kids, make dinner and I can go to bed at 7.

    Wow.  The dog was barking.  I must have just fallen asleep when I wrote that lunacy. 

    We have these great big windows that start about 9 inches from the floor.  The dog is positive that we purchased this house for the purpose of allowing him complete visual access to all that is occurring on every side of the house.  Usually he is sleeping and missing everything but every once in a while he will catch sight of the UPS guy who is clearly coming to murder everyone in our house.  Actually, when the UPS guy comes and it doesn’t have “Baby Brewing” on the label of whatever he is delivering, someone is going to get murdered.  Just not by the UPS guy. 

    The dog will start to bark like a freak and you could actually believe, if only for a brief moment, that he could protect you from imminent danger.  That the dog would not excessively lick the hand of your murderer as he is stabbing you.  That all of this dog food and pig ears that you have been purchasing for his sustenance has a purpose other than to fatten said dog up so he can fill your house with mounds of black fur e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. 

    I’ll admit my curiosity was up when he started barking.  That and I was going to kill him if he awakened the only one in this house with sense enough to takeanap/stayoutofmomsway.  I looked out the window to see a doe and her three fawns.  And because I was cranky, I yanked open the door and yelled “go get ’em” to the dog.

    You are more than welcome to inundate my inbox with tirades about cruelty to bambi and his mom if you would also like to schedule a time to come over and babysit these damn kids so I can get some sleep.  If it makes you feel better, that fat dog couldn’t catch his tail on a good day.  But it sure made him feel frisky to think that he might just catch them.  At least someone is in a good mood now. 

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    1. Jennifer/The Word Cellar says:

      Yikes. Mommy really does need a cocktail! 🙂

      August 21st, 2007 at 12:58 pm

    2. Liz says:

      I recommend a hot bubble bath and cold glass of white wine.

      And earplugs.

      August 21st, 2007 at 2:23 pm

    3. Loralee says:

      I did the same thing to my brothers very fat weenie dog…Like he had a prayer of catching the squirrels that were tormenting him, but it made him feel better and I laughed my ass off, so it was all good.

      August 21st, 2007 at 4:02 pm

    4. Manic Mommy says:

      Laughing out loud at the displaced anger. Poor deer, poor dog.

      Screw them, they deserved it!

      August 21st, 2007 at 5:57 pm

    5. Ellen-Mary says:

      Oh that is so funny. I’ve been there. Motherhood is a trip, isn’t it. Good for the dog. It’s his yard after all; the deer need to learn who’s boss.

      August 21st, 2007 at 7:51 pm

    6. Nikki says:

      so now that I am your indentured servant for approximately 20 hours…GO DO SOMETHING ALREADY, TAKE A NAP FIRST THOUGH PLEASE!!! Friday? How is Friday? Saturday, would Saturday be better? Sunday, how about Sunday? Work with me here I am giving you all the options in the world…

      August 22nd, 2007 at 3:41 am

    7. Nikki says:

      the only one being do not strangle those two precious boys that act as though they are angels when I am around 🙂

      August 22nd, 2007 at 3:42 am

    8. Lisa says:

      you made me laugh out loud with this post 🙂 the ranting sounds so familiar.

      August 22nd, 2007 at 1:35 pm

    9. Marelle says:

      Not to add to the situation . . . but I thought Bambi was a girl . . .


      August 22nd, 2007 at 2:46 pm

    10. InterstellarLass says:

      I let my dog chase rabbits. She did come really close to catching one. And then another time a possum was in the back yard. It didn’t make it out.

      August 23rd, 2007 at 2:32 pm

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