Ever since he has been about 2 months old, my child has been getting mail. I would like to say that it is from his various college trust funds, informing him that his education investment has been growing at 15% yearly, but who are we kidding? Trust funds?It started with a letter from Robert Kennedy, imploring E to contact his congressman and strongly urge him to vote against drilling in Alaska. I asked E if he wanted to call his congressman, but he just threw up on me. The only thing more apropos would have been crapping all over me. He apparently is precocious when it comes to politics.
Then it was a slew of mail from all manner of wildlife organizations–Save the Whales, Wildlife Land Trust, The Jane Goddall Society, The National Audubon Society, Friends of the National Zoo. You get the picture. He has gotten stuffed animals, pennies, and return address labels.
This seems extremely odd to me. We aren’t animal people here. We have a dog, we love our dog but reality is that we would rather have a night out eating sushi than pay for a stray to get neutered. It’s the cold, hard facts.
So, is E crawling into the bedroom, climbing up onto the top of the dresser, stealing a 20 from dad’s billfold and sending it off to PETA? I mentioned this situation to my friend when we were talking on the phone this morning and she mentioned that she had begun to get a stack of fitness magazines in the mail recently. Appalled at her husband’s insensitivity, she asked him why he was doing this to her. He maintains his innocence and ignorance on the matter. She said that they now think their 7-year old daughter is ordering them online. Probably while she reads the Washington Post in the morning (dear Lord, is this what I have to look forward to?).
My guess is that my mother-in-law, the champion of all four-legged creatures, contributed some amount of money to an animal cause in my son’s name. Let’s just hope it wasn’t ALF or ELF. I can’t wait to see the FBI agent’s face when he comes to interview Ethan regarding his involvement in ecoterrorist organizations.
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