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    The only thing missing is the “bock, bock” audio

    October 31, 2006

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    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Only the chicken knows….

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    So now you can sue me for all my bad advice

    Today was a very big day here at Chateau Cookie.  Today I was sworn in as an attorney.  Sure I showed up 3 hours early, I had forgotten to register, gave a wrong bar admission number so they had difficulty verifying me, realized when I sat down with my “peers” that I was wearing a hot pink maternity sweater to the swearing in ceremony of the most CONSERVATIVE court in the nation–where gray is the new black, and then had my name presented for admission by the dean of THE WRONG LAW SCHOOL.  Not only did the wrong dean of the wrong law school present me for admission, it took me 15 seconds to register that the wrong dean had read my name. 

    Why did it take me 15 seconds to realize that my name had been called (other than the fact that the law school was alphabetically before mine, I didn’t go there and certainly wasn’t expecting them to claim me)?  It took me 15 seconds to realize this because the whitest white dean  in all of America managed to mispronounce the most English/white name in all over America–all 3 names.  First, middle and last.  Kristen was Keee-ir-ston.  My middle name is one syllable and he didn’t even get that right.  It’s a fruit of the SPIRIT, for God’s sake.  My last name sounded Middle Eastern.  I sat there shocked.  Now what?  There is no way in hell I was standing up on the opposite side of the auditorium where my lastest in Motherhood Maternity fashion would be evident to the Judges presiding over the ceremony.

    You are thinking (I know you are)–so why didn’t you just take your sweater off?  Well, that’s because I couldn’t find my plain black shirt to wear underneath when I was rushing out the door 5 hours too early this morning so I put this on underneath. 

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    She never ceases to say things that surprise me

    October 30, 2006

    My mother-in-law mentioned on the phone the other night that while she was at my sister-in-law’s house taking care of the grandkids while He-Who-Still-Remains-Nameless-8-Days-After-Birth was being born, that she had to sleep with my niece Hailey AND the dog.  Not only did the dog sleep in the bed, apparently she needed to lay on top of my MIL in order to sleep properly.  I asked my MIL if she had been allowed to sleep with her dog when she was growing up.

    This was a valid question because if you have ever heard stories about Nana, she was NO NONSENSE at all times.  I was guessing that the answer was “no” and that was the reason that my MIL allowed my SIL to have about 20 pets at any given time during childhood.  You know, that whole “I’ll-do-it-differently-than-MY-mom-did.”  She said that her mother was very strict and the dogs weren’t allowed in the house unless it was 40 degrees below zero. 

    Does it get to 40 degrees below zero in eastern Washington?

    She said that she came home one night and walked into the living room to find a black lab laying in the middle of the floor.  She said that she knew at this moment that someone very important must be there for her mother to allow a dog in the house.

    My mind wandered off for a second, thinking about who the important person could be.  This was the one horse town that gave my husband’s grandfather a house in exchange for moving there and opening his ear, eye, nose and throat practice, a la “Northern Exposure” but without the moose.  There aren’t moose in Eastern Washington state, are there?  They gave him a house.  I’ve seen it.  It was huge. 

    The town mayor?  The Methodist minister? 

    “Bing Crosby.”

    Admit it.  You never saw it coming.  I know I didn’t.  But now you know why Nana let the dog in the house.  Who could deny Bing anything?

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    Maybe I should have that second piece of cake for breakfast

    October 26, 2006

    Yesterday Nat (the letter carrier) knocked on my door rather loudly and ruined my nap.  Or so I thought until he handed me a package with this card in it.

               Kristen–Thought you might like this outfit for The Boy for Halloween.  Or preschool.  Or churchRuthie was
               my ‘little devil’  but it just didn’t seem to suit Thomas, who is more like an angel.  Or the Marlboro Man.


    With that, I pulled out the mystery surprise to find THIS. 

    Zug, you are the best.

    Ed. note:  To all those who MAY be offended (mom) by the fact that I have now equated my son with the devil and who the hell is this person that would send me such an outfit, I would just like to say that I’m sure Jen meant it in the “Little-Devil-sitting-on-your-shoulder-oh-go-ahead-and-have-another-piece-of-cake-who’s-gonna-notice-you-are-pregnant-for-heaven’s-sake” kind of way rather than the “Supreme-Ruler-Of-Darkness-And-All-Evil-Kind-Of-Way.”  I know that’s what I was thinking….  Really.

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    FINE!!!!! I’ll turn on the damn heat already

    October 25, 2006

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