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    Of all the ways I love my husband, this is what I love the most

    September 23, 2006

    We are less than 72 hours from closing on the condo.  Or so we think.  I just know that when Tuesday comes, they are going to try to pull a fast one.  These people buying the place are crazy.  They have gotten a little heady about this being a buyer’s market.  After agreeing that we fix a certain number of things, they changed their minds and said they would walk if we didn’t make the shower handle easier to pull out. 

    A shower handle that has tightened up a little because it hasn’t been used in 16 months.  They are going to blow a deal for a shower handle.  A 30 year old shower handle which is connected to a pipe that runs water to 8 floors.  Not the kind of thing you want to mess with just so someone can use a little less energy to turn on the water in the morning.  Which of course made me want to tell them to pound sand.  Unfortunately Mama’s all out of cash and the next step is foreclosure if the dynamic duo don’t buy.  Their real estate agent just called to say that they want receipts to prove that we fixed the things on the list.  Why actually just push the test button on the smoke alarm during walk through when you can demand that a professional change a battery instead?

    I’m starting to feel like these people are worried that they will sign the final paperwork and then show up and find that we have absconded with a bedroom and the front door.   This a condo, for heaven’s sake, not an adoption.  They also let us know in passing that if we wanted to leave all the kitchen utensils, dishes, glasses and pots that I left, they wouldn’t mind it.

    That’s shocking since they are planning to use the place to rent out as a fully furnished apartment.  How kind to offer to keep an entire kitchen so they wouldn’t have to purchase anything other than a couple of beds and a couch for the living room to call it a day. 

    The vindictiveness has set in.  I told Derek that I would sooner send every single dish down the trash chute from the fourth floor to shatter in the dumpster than let them have anything.  As we packed things up, I directed him to remove the shower curtains from the rods and even the toilet paper from the bathrooms.  He told me that I was required by law to leave the light bulbs.  Damn.  I then asked if we could put a dead mouse in the vent.

    He suggested shrimp.  That’s why I love this man. 

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    1. Trena says:

      Good luck and hope it closes like it is supposed to without a massive headache. Don’t you just love people like that? If you want a truly special treat to leave in the vent, I would so happily comply by sharing one of our little guy’s diapers. He doesn’t go but about once every three days now, so you can imagine. Hope it goes quick and painlessly for you!!!

      September 24th, 2006 at 8:40 pm

    2. Amy says:

      I have heard horror stories like this from buying and selling properties in your area, but this one might take the cake. I think the shrimp is a good idea. A really, really unfortunate-for-them-but-hilarious-for-you idea.

      September 24th, 2006 at 10:39 pm

    3. InterstellarLass says:

      Maybe just add some bluing to the shower head…you know, like in Private Benjamin…

      September 25th, 2006 at 4:47 pm

    4. Marel says:


      This is really going to piss you off.

      I never liked that damn shower handle–just way too difficult.

      heehee 🙂

      September 26th, 2006 at 1:09 am

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