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    Oh the sacrifices we make for the children

    June 22, 2006

    Today, after 3 (count them one, two, THREE) days of whining that finally resulted in The Boy handing me his shoes and pointing at the door at 10:30 this morning, I decided to STEP AWAY FROM THE LAPTOP!  SLOWLY, SSSSLLLOOOOWWWWLY. 

    I’m not exactly sure where he thought we should be going as he continues to use grunting as his major source of communication with a “THIS” thrown in occasionally to keep me off balance.  So I took him to the local Alice in Wonderland playground in the ritzy mall across town.  I figured he could climb around on all the ‘shrooms and I could attempt conversation with all the nannies.  OK, I really thought that he could get busy and I could pull the laptop out very sneakily and finish my DAMN WEBSITE THAT IS DUE TOMORROW NIGHT FOR CLASS.  

    I don’t know what surprises me more.  The fact that I am ever hopeful or the fact that I am an idiot.  

    But I digress.

    He fell asleep 3 minutes before we got to the mall.  Oh, I don’t think so, Mister Mister.  I’m in a time crunch and can’t PAY YOU TO TAKE A NAP SO I CAN GET ANYTHING DONE and you go and fall asleep?  Not happening.  I then made him walk all the way to the playground, which was about 3 miles from our parking spot.

    And what did our wondering eyes observe?  800,000 kids in a 200 sq ft playing area.  It was like Fight Club for 2 and 3 year olds, mixed with the London Plague of 1665.  What jackass takes a 16 month old to the playground in the mall, during his naptime, the day after PRESCHOOL ENDS FOR THE YEAR!!!!!  The nannies seemed unconcerned but the Porsche Cayenne driving mothers seemed totally freaked out that they were going to be stuck with these monsters for the next 3 months.  I’m guessing the nanny count will be higher next week. 

    So some kid comes running up to The Boy and goes to push him over.  Just push him.  The Boy’s’s not in the way, he’s not giving rolly-polly, clearly in the 95% for weight, evil kid the look.  The Boy’s just standing there in shock like a nun at a strip joint.  You can see it going through that pea brain of his…how is this happening???  I jumped up to run interference and came to the realization that I was not going to be able to sucker punch little Ian without his mother catching me.  “Be nice and don’t push” said I.  “you little demon spawn” I thought. 

    The Boy remained plastered to my leg when he wasn’t crawling up it in sheer terror trying to get away from the two boys that were clearly OVER the maximum height and were trying to decapitate one another.  I can see that these kids are going to need a couple of miles on the treadmill before playtime.  And I’ve got a momma’s boy.  Oh well.  What are you gonna do? 

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    1. Amy says:

      You know, I’ve seen this happen at similar locations like the one you described. How much caffeine is involved in situations like this? Sheesh! (And by caffeine, I mean, how many grande Starbucks skim, extra shot frappucinos does it take to make a kid like this?)

      June 24th, 2006 at 3:30 pm

    2. psychoref says:

      I want the space! How much does it cost?

      April 12th, 2011 at 10:32 am

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