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    Defending a woman’s right to choose, one shirt at a time

    April 30, 2006

    Well I got my first cranky email about my “Definitely not having a silent birth” maternity tee over at babybrewing.  Rebecca from California writes, “Your Not having a silent birth is definitely NOT funny.”

    Oops.  I thought it was funny.  Apparently it is definitely NOT funny.  I have offended.  Derek and I began to discuss this ad nauseum.  Or I discussed it ad nauseum and Derek commented when he could get a word in edgewise.

    K:  I wasn’t trying to offend anyone.  Hey, Jen wanted me to make a tshirt that said “Silent Birth=Crui-azy.”  Now that would have been mean.
    D:  You are making fun of them.
    K:  I’m actually just exercising my constitutional right to free speech and free choice.  You know, a woman’s right to choose.  For those who “choose” not to have a silent birth.  Who won’t have L. Ron Hubbard telling them to keep their mouths shut while they attempt to pass a 15 1/2 inch head out of a hole the size of a sharpie pen. 

    I would just like to say that I officially passed the bar two days ago and it didn’t take me long to obtain the ability to talk OUT OF MY ASS at a moment’s notice.

    OK, so maybe I don’t actually believe that the constitution actually gives the right to choose, but that is besides the point. 

    I have thought about this all day.  Wondering why someone would take a joke so seriously.  Derek thought that Rebecca was Katie Holmes, in cognito.  I think she is still being silent (has it been 7 days yet?) and Dave thought that Rebecca was the legal counsel for the Church of Scientology. 

    Then I googled Rebecca.  Note to all you internetors out there.  If you are going to leave cranky emails, don’t use when you send the cranky email.  You are entitled to your opinion and you are entitled to share it with me (I believe I have already mentioned the constitution somewhere here).  But odds are pretty good that I am going to blog about it and it won’t be pretty.  And you’ll have to be patient with me, as I have not completed of Grade IV Expanded and the Happiness Rundown, as Rebecca has.  So in all my unenlightenedment, I apologize for making a joke that was not funny.  

    But here is the kicker.  I had a silent birth.  Not a Scientology-espoused silent birth, but I reached a point that I threatened to bring physical harm to anyone who broke my concentration.  In fact, my husband caught on really quick.  I think it had something to do with me saying, “Stop TALKING.”  And the fact that I was looking for an extremely sharp object with which to impale him.  But if he had told me before I had Ethan that I HAD to be silent, I can promise I would have screamed like a banshee from the first contraction on (that’s 28 hours of screaming, if you needed the math).  

    So I guess the joke is on me.  Sorry to offend. 

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    1. Amy says:

      I have a theory for where this “Rebecca” came from. She sounds rude and snide and you certainly don’t need her attitude around your t-shirts!

      You should post an alternative site for those wishing to buy pro-Scientology t-shirts, or for those who don’t want anything offensive floating around in the ether.

      April 30th, 2006 at 10:13 pm

    2. J.P. says:

      Let Rebecca know that I’m going to print up T-shirts reading “Definitely not eating the placenta onboard the mother-ship while watching Top Gun or Dawson’s Creek.”

      April 30th, 2006 at 10:35 pm

    3. chris says:

      So..Tom Cruise can joke about eating the baby’s placenta but you can’t joke about not emitting a groan as you pass a human from your vagina? Double standard Scientology chick!

      May 1st, 2006 at 9:13 pm

    4. amy says:

      I heard on the radio that some guy wants to make shirts that say “Where’s Xenu?” with the alien popping out of a whole crowd of Tom Cruises. How could would that be??

      May 3rd, 2006 at 2:31 pm

    5. vmflot says:

      What movie is worth seeing?

      April 3rd, 2011 at 6:15 am

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