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    Defending a woman’s right to choose, one shirt at a time

    April 30, 2006

    Well I got my first cranky email about my “Definitely not having a silent birth” maternity tee over at babybrewing.  Rebecca from California writes, “Your Not having a silent birth is definitely NOT funny.”

    Oops.  I thought it was funny.  Apparently it is definitely NOT funny.  I have offended.  Derek and I began to discuss this ad nauseum.  Or I discussed it ad nauseum and Derek commented when he could get a word in edgewise.

    K:  I wasn’t trying to offend anyone.  Hey, Jen wanted me to make a tshirt that said “Silent Birth=Crui-azy.”  Now that would have been mean.
    D:  You are making fun of them.
    K:  I’m actually just exercising my constitutional right to free speech and free choice.  You know, a woman’s right to choose.  For those who “choose” not to have a silent birth.  Who won’t have L. Ron Hubbard telling them to keep their mouths shut while they attempt to pass a 15 1/2 inch head out of a hole the size of a sharpie pen. 

    I would just like to say that I officially passed the bar two days ago and it didn’t take me long to obtain the ability to talk OUT OF MY ASS at a moment’s notice.

    OK, so maybe I don’t actually believe that the constitution actually gives the right to choose, but that is besides the point. 

    I have thought about this all day.  Wondering why someone would take a joke so seriously.  Derek thought that Rebecca was Katie Holmes, in cognito.  I think she is still being silent (has it been 7 days yet?) and Dave thought that Rebecca was the legal counsel for the Church of Scientology. 

    Then I googled Rebecca.  Note to all you internetors out there.  If you are going to leave cranky emails, don’t use rebeccainsertlastname@theslowestinternetconnectioninAmerica.com when you send the cranky email.  You are entitled to your opinion and you are entitled to share it with me (I believe I have already mentioned the constitution somewhere here).  But odds are pretty good that I am going to blog about it and it won’t be pretty.  And you’ll have to be patient with me, as I have not completed of Grade IV Expanded and the Happiness Rundown, as Rebecca has.  So in all my unenlightenedment, I apologize for making a joke that was not funny.  

    But here is the kicker.  I had a silent birth.  Not a Scientology-espoused silent birth, but I reached a point that I threatened to bring physical harm to anyone who broke my concentration.  In fact, my husband caught on really quick.  I think it had something to do with me saying, “Stop TALKING.”  And the fact that I was looking for an extremely sharp object with which to impale him.  But if he had told me before I had Ethan that I HAD to be silent, I can promise I would have screamed like a banshee from the first contraction on (that’s 28 hours of screaming, if you needed the math).  

    So I guess the joke is on me.  Sorry to offend. 

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    5 Comments »

    1. Amy says:

      I have a theory for where this “Rebecca” came from. She sounds rude and snide and you certainly don’t need her attitude around your t-shirts!

      You should post an alternative site for those wishing to buy pro-Scientology t-shirts, or for those who don’t want anything offensive floating around in the ether.

      April 30th, 2006 at 10:13 pm

    2. J.P. says:

      Let Rebecca know that I’m going to print up T-shirts reading “Definitely not eating the placenta onboard the mother-ship while watching Top Gun or Dawson’s Creek.”

      April 30th, 2006 at 10:35 pm

    3. chris says:

      So..Tom Cruise can joke about eating the baby’s placenta but you can’t joke about not emitting a groan as you pass a human from your vagina? Double standard Scientology chick!

      May 1st, 2006 at 9:13 pm

    4. amy says:

      I heard on the radio that some guy wants to make shirts that say “Where’s Xenu?” with the alien popping out of a whole crowd of Tom Cruises. How could would that be??

      May 3rd, 2006 at 2:31 pm

    5. vmflot says:

      What movie is worth seeing?

      April 3rd, 2011 at 6:15 am

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