I’m done with it. I realize that nobody wants to hear it and that I was
determined to not be one of those mothers that spends a lifetime
discussing bodily functions, but I don’t think I can do it anymore. The
pee, the poop and above all others, the spit up. It is so nasty. And
why does it seem like I’m the only person that is grossed out so
utterly and completely by my child?
Today I spent the day with
my friend Adrian and her family to celebrate her graduation from GMU
School of Nursing (you go, girl). Her aunt Renee was desperate to hold
KH: But he’ll spit up on you.
R: I don’t care.
do you mean, you don’t care? How can you not care that there will no
longer be one inch of dry clothing on your body when you finally hand
this child back to me?
Today he spit up Matrix style. As it came
out of his mouth, I was so stunned I could not move. It made an arc to
the side and then, wonder of all wonders, angled back and landed right
in my cleavage. All 2 ounces. He smiled sweetly, but it didn’t matter.
I think that the best is yet to come. Yesterday I experienced something
that can possibly be even grosser than E’s neverending spit up.
Marelle’s 18 month old, Elijah, is getting a couple of molars. With his teething came a cold.
MA: His snot is not green, it’s yellow. I promise.
Guess who was looking through rose-colored glasses?
the color wasn’t what was so fascinating about Elijah’s snot. It was
the fact that his snot ran from his nose like Angel Falls. Just when
you thought there could be no more fluid in his little body, the snot
would run over his lip and down to his chin. In his parent’s defense,
they were on top of the situation as much as possible. His father Eliot
followed him for the entire 4 hours he was here, and went through what
seemed like at least 7 rolls of toilet paper, wiping that poor kid’s
No end in sight. I thought that maybe a wet/dry vac might
be an option, but it seemed cruel in retrospect and probably could have
ended a 20 year friendship if I had suggested it.
I hate vomit, but I’m guessing I’m going to hate boogers more.
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