OK, talk about a funny day. Notwithstanding the night of NO sleep
because Derek was snuggled up to me like a damn sherpa, causing my body
temperature to hit about a million degrees, the highlight of my day, by
far, was the Lamaze baby care class that we found ourselves in this
I’m no expert, but I have changed a few diapers in my
day. Mom said that this class would be good for Ethan’s father. To get
Mr. Overeducated/Overachiever there, I did have to tell him that this
was the first class in a postgraduate degree program and there would be
We showed up 5 minutes late, because I am really trying
to drive Derek crazy. Little payback for the 2 1/2 hours of insomnia
last night. And let me tell you, there was just about one of every kind
there today. The guy, easily 10 years older than his wife, holding the
baby doll upside down by the leg as he was trying to swaddle. The
lesbian partners, keeping the instructor on her “partner” toes rather
than her “dad” toes. And, my personal favorite, the Mr. and Mrs.
Attorney, complete with matching yellow legal pads.
exactly when should my baby be crawling?” I watched them take 12 pages
of notes between them. Right down to the five things to look for when
your baby is crying.
“I missed the third one, could you repeat it?”
“Check to see if the baby is wet.”
I’m not saying this is all intuitive, but give me a break. I’m smelling
dual Yale grads and I’m thinking this kid will be in therapy by age
three and it won’t be a particularly productive therapy. Every time she
asked a question about where her child should be in relation to other
children, I kicked Derek under the conference table. You can only hope
that the two of them will pop out a child that is an artist or
musician. Something that will drive the Type A’s to drink.
speaking, I think Ethan has a good chance at being at the higher end of
the bell curve, but I have no intention of choosing his prep school
today. He’ll crawl when he wants to crawl (most likely when he decides
that he has to get away from Zinni). And we’ll figure it out. That’s
what it is all about, right?